Winter Fetish Fair Fleamarket XXX

So the Flea is over, and we've headed on.

It had its moments, both good and well, to be perfectly frank, rather pathetic.

In the positive column; , stumbling across an old friend, spending a few brief minutes in the bullwhip lounge, interesting discussions between Sir and I sparked by workshops we went to, silk, flax, and hemp ropes, a new singletail, and even some new leather, (for later, that I've not earned yet), and a major 'plus', Providence, Rhode Island and the hotels, convention center, etc.

A good hotel experience can go a long way towards serving as a bulwark against not such good parts of an event. Providence itself was also a real win, and doubly so in light of the Fetish Fair Flea's previous experiences in Massachusetts.

By way of a middle column, somewhere between positives and negatives, or more accurately as a mix of both, we were fortunate enough to be able to attend all three of Midori's workshops; "Asian Rituals for Western Lovers", "Bondage Outside the Box", and "Make 'em Blush, Make 'em Squirm: Erotic Humiliation Play". All three were useful in terms of some of the conversations Sir and I ended up having, both good and bad.

But part of the real 'mixed bag'-ness of the three workshops was the 'massive herd' mentality that led to long lines to get in, tons of people, and naturally, the settings the workshops were in provided very few seats that actually afforded full views of what was going on. Thus, most audience members heard the presentations but could not see much of what was happening. Such could have been avoided in several ways, but for each of the three workshops, the same scenario played out.

In the negative column; certain aspects of some of the presentations, Some of the ways 'pros' were just woven through the event (in not so good ways), poorly woven whip handles, and I suppose my personal 'low' award for the event- a presenter who couldn't be bothered to show up on time for her own workshop due to... broken nails and an emergency quest for a manicurist. This from a woman whose website says, and I quote "don't waste my time", perhaps she might consider taking her own advice. (I've no qualms about naming names, as the workshop and presenter was publicly available on the FFF XXX website- "Mistress LunaSea")

Now I've seen everything. Suffice it to say, we felt no need to 'bottom' to her by waiting around to see whether or not she'd show up- so in the end I've no idea whether any form of the workshop managed to go forward or not, if it did, it went forward late and without us.

No presenter should ever need be tracked down by the event organizers AFTER the time their workshop was due to start, only to be reminded they had a workshop. D'oh. No, I wasn't impressed.

Sir and I also intentionally wandered into the 101 style "BDSM for beginners" for a number of reasons, not the least of which being trying to understand the 'intake path' many of today's newcomers are experiencing. (By way of readily admitting my own biases here, I've taught 101 workshops in the past.) I may or may not eventually get to writing about such, but for the time being, simply consider this another tidbit we both felt best deserved the negative column- and unfortunately the ramifications of such will continue to echo forward. More so still, in that this particular presentation has been an entry point for people in many times and places.

If I sound cynical and somewhat jaded, it's only because in some ways, I most certainly am.

On the other hand, as we somehow almost always seem to, Sir and I still managed to make some very high quality "us" time, which makes even broken nail absurdity somehow not only bearable, but something I'm just able to dismiss as the pathetic current state of affairs in some corners of 'The Scene'.

While I'm still glad I went, I am not sure I'd feel the need to return in the near future. That may be more a reflection of where Sir and I stand, though. The workshops we attended in many ways felt very 'beginner', and most of what was available at the market itself were things, and often dealers that in our travels we had seen over and over. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but for us, either visiting the brick and mortar stores when possible, or using online ordering takes care of most of what we would want from such.

Fortunately, though, there was the happy exception or two. I spend time at marketplaces like this looking for the unique, the unusual, and the custom. Radiance Bound for example was doing some lovely metallic work, very appropriate to formal Leather occasions, and some of Madame Butterfly's handmade silk rope came home with us.

The final thing to note about the FFF is that for 'outsiders' (those from out of New England for example), there is no main dungeon or 'play party' as part of the event, so what goes on, usually happens via pre-existing loose networks of friends or NE Leather organizations in private spaces. Without an 'in', you'll have to resort to a private evening in your own hotel room.

While this was absolutely fine for Sir and I (and yes, had we wanted to attend a party, that could have been arranged, we were not interested in such, this time, anyway) other people may find the 'barriers to entry' a bit high. It would be better to get to know people and build ties to organizations prior to the event if gaining an invitation to a party is important to you.



*** Addendum- there was an article Sunday in the Providence Journal- "Sex-Toy Trade Show Sports a Global Face".

I'm not altogether sure quite what I make of the article's angle, the 'sex toy biz'/"trade show", but apparently that was how the Journal understood the event. Clearly, they missed the fact that while the shopping is a major part of the event, what with being in the name and all, the real action had little to do with vendors. Most participants spent time in workshops or in hotel rooms practicing said newly acquired skills.

To simplify the flea down to a story about the American vs. Chinese sex toy industry and label the event a 'trade show' was just, well bizarro-world, though it certainly says a great deal about how 'outsiders' sometimes see us or comprehend us.

Seeing Herself

To begin with, it's sometimes funny what I consider 'personal'. I can write a post about being flogged, but when it comes to writing this, I pause. Perhaps in part because she'll be reading it, but also in that, well, in some ways, it's personal.

But this is blogging my little leather life, or so I claim, and to avoid writing this would be, well, a rather serious "sin" of omission, in no small part because it is what is a very serious part of my 'now', and in part because it's also part of my Leather 'then' as well.

I'm not going to attempt to write any version of the story of us here, at least not now. Suffice it to say, Herself (which sometimes should be more aptly written herself), is what I'll use here to refer to the womyn who was, for a time, my wife. A time that came to a close almost as soon as it began. Not by my decision, but by hers.

We've been apart for over 11 years now, and for all but the last few months, been completely out of contact. Which is its own long story that, no, I'm not going to write here either. She knows, and I know, and that's what matters here.

So we have been back in contact for less than a year now, almost entirely via e-mail, with one phone call, on her Birthday. It was the first time I had heard her voice in well, forever; lifetimes, relationships, marriages.

Clearly, we each have our own 'nows'. I, to my own surprise, have been steadfastly with Sir, and she has had her own relationships and entanglements and disentanglements with both people and the State in relation to such. I've left my beloved midwest to return to the general area near where she and I spent our years together. She on the other hand has left her beloved here to return to a place that she in some ways feels is not hers. Over time, though, my here, or more specifically Sir's here, has become such a part of me that this is my home now. He chose this place and I agreed to come to him.

So now, all these many years later, she has pined for a specific Yule gift from me- the ability to see me once again.

There is of course, much more to it than simply she and I coming to our own end. There was another person, and much pain, and much unnecessary pain, and interference that kept us from even being able to communicate, much less draw things to any kind of civilized close at the time. All of which, of course, is my far too polite way of saying bad things happened, bad things far beyond the control of the two of us. Not that she (or realy either of us) is some form of innocent party in the course of all of this, just in that many things happened that had nothing to do with anything either of us would have wanted or had any control over.

So she has asked to see me.

Naturally, this had lead to a great deal of introspection on my part.

There is the person she once was, and there is the person she is now, and there is everything in between. And there is the person I once was, the person I am now, and everything in between. Mainly though, there is time in between, and more than a decade, much of which was spent not knowing if she was alive or dead.

More than my wife, I placed my collar around her lovely neck, and called her my own.

My obligations to her, to that, did not end at the edge of our time together. A collar is a lifelong commitment for me.

So I have chewed upon this request of hers for some time now. Sir and I have spoken, and pondered, and worked through and through and through this. Oddly, it turns out he may be more comfortable with such than I am.

In the end, despite everything, or perhaps due to everything, I have come out to 'yes, but on my own terms'. That is all I can give.

Our Fetish Flea trip will, at one point take us near her, and come January, for one afternoon, she and I will finally come face to face, a culmination of so much. More than words can begin, really.

I suppose you can see now why I couldn't not at least give this its due. This is my now. And seeing her will be, well, no, not blogworthy, simply a significant, (hell, momentous) occasion, to me anyway.

I walk into this not knowing what I will do. We may cry, laugh, be awkward with one another, prattle on unceasingly, scream at each other, come around to some strange version of restoring the friendship that was there so long before we even came together, or walk out, perhaps never to see one another again. I don't know.

All I know is that in this, I can't deny her her request.

And that is all tangled in with Leather ideas of responsibility, and loyalty, and honour, along with deep sadness, betrayal, and even still smouldering anger.

Mostly, though, I've missed her.

And I'm so damn glad she's not dead.

Aftermath and Winter Fetish Flea

(Yeah, I know, folks want my post BRXX post or posts. I'll get there! Really, I will!)

So we're back home after BRXX, suitcases partially unpacked. Most of the tools put away. I can't believe it's almost been a week already. Midweek Sir and I were interested in going to the BESS meet and greet followed by the educational meeting, which was going to be a panel entitled "A view from the Top", but both were canceled due to the first real snow of the year. Disappointed, but hopefully, they'll reschedule.

It's only been a few days, but my shoulder has mostly healed, just three small raised red lines remain. I always feel an odd disappointment as marks fade. Sir is already contemplating scalpels for 'next times'. I like scalpels, but I also like sharp ordinary knives. They're very different effects on both the skin and the mind. Mainly, I'm just amused he's happily contemplating again/more.

So, even before BRXX, we'd been thinking about heading up to Rhode Island for the Winter Fetish Flea. Now that they no longer have to deal with some of the Mass. stupidity, it should make for a more reasonable event.

Crazy as it sounds, I've never made any of the Boston area Fetish Fleas. Never once, in all these years- despite the fannish overlaps, despite friends going for years, despite friends in Boston, I'd just never made it. Sir has tended in the past to make dismissive comments along the lines of 'Boston, in the dead of Winter?!?'. But of course, he's done New England in Winter multiple times, and knows snow is by no means the end of the world.

We intentionally put off making a final decision until after BRXX. It made hotels a bit more complicated, but in the end we got what we wanted, and have reservations set to go. Several workshops look interesting, and Midori is going to be teaching several classes. (I'm also peeking at the rest of the schedule for her New England trip, and skritching my head thoughtfully. Maybe we could work in more than just the Flea.)

Getting up to that neck of the woods, also comes with another possible ulterior motive, potentially seeing someone dear to me, although that part remains undecided for the moment. That's its own story, though. I also have some family I'd like to try to overlap schedules with if possible, kind of a more relaxed post holidaze get together.

So that's the deal, home from one event, blog posts as of yet unwritten, and we're already lining up the next. No this wasn't sparked by having some kind of fantastic time at BRXX, it was just something we had both talked about doing for a long time now, and this year made sense.

As if that wasn't enough, we're also wondering about maybe a short Yuletide trip back to the midwest before the end of the month to see family. I don't know whether that's a very real possibility or not at the moment, but if so, it would mean approximately two weeks, followed by trip, followed by another couple of weeks followed by the next trip- with family both in the midwest and here squeezed in between.

But we've sort of another possible reason to get out to the midwest too, which could involve a particular piercer... .

In case it's not obvious, things may be hectic right now, but they're also going pretty darn well.