We're back from Floating World a week now, and I'm only now settling back in enough to even begin to write about it all. We've been busy all week catching up with friends, going to meetings etc. I've spent some of this week reading what others have written about their experiences at the event. Naturally, I'm still feeling a bit 'spacey', not just from the event itself, but some of the things we did over the event, as well as some of the ways in which we're bringing parts of what we learned there and felt there home with us.
In many ways it was a really wonderful weekend for us, partially due to the event itself, and partially in that it was an important time for the two of us as well. Unlike many events where we have focused on gaining or practicing skills with tools, this ended up being a very relationship focused set of workshops for us. We didn't really make all that many of the presentation time slots offered as somewhere between eating, sleeping, and yes, fucking, we did a lot of talking and 'processing' some of what all we were seeing.
I'm not setting out to really go into great detail the about event in this as that would be a massive task, but also in that I think there are parts of the magick in the not knowing everything and every detail.
One small detail I should mention though, is that Sir doesn't always wear the token I gave him for our anniversary but through the course of the weekend, he made a point of keeping it on, reminding himself of who and what he was, and that meant a great deal to me. It's always significant to both of us when he wears the bracelet (despite him very definitely not being a jewelry person) and his steadfast not only wearing it, but enjoyment of it, meant a great deal to me.
It's been really amazing to watch him grow into who and what he is and gain confidence in such. I'm very proud of him, and this weekend, we felt very solid in many many ways. (Perhaps I'll write on that more later.)
Thursday
At home during the day, despite our best efforts we found ourselves amidst a packing ordeal and the gravity well that home sometimes can be. It took us much longer to get out than either of us intended. (While it was both of us, in this case I readily take the blame.) It was not the start we had hoped for.
We had made a point of getting in Thursday evening so we'd have a little time to settle in. In the end, we found ourselves in actuality getting in late Thursday due to ongoing road destruction, but then avoiding as best we can getting ensnared in road destruction appears to be another Floating World tradition of ours.
We settled into the host hotel (this year we had decided to stay at the main hotel), I unpacked, wiped the boots one last time and read a little before finally turning in. Even though we were both excited we both managed to get a good night's sleep before the event was really in full swing.
Friday
The next morning we got up and headed out for a good breakfast with lots of coffee before the first workshop at 2pm. The vendor's room was not open Friday so we focused on workshops and time together instead.
The first session was a presenter I had seen last year at Black Rose XX, but Sir hadn't so we went together so as to compare notes later. I think he got a bit more out of it than I, but that was fine. I took plenty of notes and found myself settling in. The topic at hand was moving from a BDSM centered relationship to a Master/slave based relationship.
I think for a lot of people they find a starting place and after a time come to one form or another of 'there must be more than this'-ism. The coming to plateaus and trying to find new ways of living it MORE or DEEPER is something I frequently find more of in the het leather community. (Although the session presenter himself was certainly not straight.)
This may be one place where being Queer Leather sort of made it a bit easier for many of us in that we have had role models living out forms of an M/s dynamic around us almost from wherever we started. Even the brief interludes in (mainly Gay) Leather bars and clubs I managed to occasionally be accepted in, being surrounded by and having as friends day to day living breathing examples of both Masters and slaves living out their respective roles was in some ways commonplace.
It's also worth noting that I'm glad to see Sir having an opportunity to hear more Queer voices in this. It helps him understand the culture I come from, and see in living practice some of the traditions and strengths of those who having already crossed certain thresholds at times find crossing some Leather thresholds as a 'second coming out' that much the easier for it. It is very easy for me to find presenters coming at it from some variation on a male/female dynamic, it is less easy to find spaces and events wherein Sir can intentionally expose himself to Queer Leather voices and traditions.
One of the things I've come to treasure most about the Floating World events is the cross pollination between communities, presenters, and perspectives. I consider it one of the event's core strengths. It is also part of what makes it one of the more comfortable events for me personally, in that in certain ways I end up difficult to categorize, and Leather spaces that enable such, to their very core definition, can be few and far between.
The second session ended up being my mistake. Not in that the presenter was a mistake, but in that I had intended to end up at the workshop that later went on to become the focus of some external attention. I was interested in attending not in that it's my particular kink, but in that I am interested in how we as a 'community' however loosely that may be defined are handling some of the broader cultural issues involved. (Those who know what I'm talking about know what I'm talking about, those who don't, well, so be it.)
Instead we ended up in a sensory deprivation workshop, which while pretty much review for us, was probably one of the few more dungeon practical workshops we made it to all weekend. Surprisingly, we attended very little by way of dungeon tools related sessions this year. By the end of the weekend I was feeling a little annoyed in that I do go to these events to learn skills and techniques as well as about structuring relationships and interpersonal dynamics and I was beginning to feel that lack of balance in what we were attending. This is one of the reasons we are now beginning to contemplating attending Black Rose this fall, no decision has been made on that front yet though.
Missing the intended presentation was likely a result of neither of us having spent time studying the schedule in depth in advance. I had looked over the workshops and presenters and I knew what all I hoped to see, but I had not had time to study the schedule itself in advance.
I'm still kind of kicking myself, but this is perhaps the primary 'problem' I have with the Floating World, there's simply too much good stuff going on all at once. There are easily sessions where I want to be in three or even four presentations at once. When in doubt, I try to choose things I haven't seen before, presenters I haven't seen before, and topics that I hope will stretch me or provide me with new perspectives to ponder.
The other psuedo 'problem' we also run into is scheduling meals. We tend to have those deep discussions over meals during events and utilize such as time to sort of compare reactions to what we've just seen. While we could just grab something simple on site, or nearby, we find we enjoy the event more when we actually take the time to step back, get a good meal, and 'process' at least some of the details between one set of several sessions and the next. So we sometimes find ourselves sacrificing presentations or presenters we want to see to fit that food, sleep, sex and processing around such (although be sure to note, those are definitely not in order of priority!). As the Floating World often doesn't particularly schedule a meal break, we make difficult choices as to what gets sacrificed, for this year anyway. With luck we may be able to catch similar next year or at another event elsewhere.
So we spent Friday evening over a nice dinner, talking about some of how, no we aren't people who do this at only events or on weekends or sometimes, this is our lives, yet at the same time we don't utilize some of the linguistic cues others who also live as Owners and property do. Nor do we utilize the constant ritual forms, although we certainly have our own daily rituals. Our protocols are often unwritten but there none-the-less. Our life together up to this point has made much of that very complicated in that with the travel and all, we often don't have the consistency others find helps structure their relationships.
It's possible that straightforward predictable 9-5 jobs are far more conducive to these forms of structured relationships than our lives. Not that what we live is in any way 'not ok' (I certainly wouldn't trade such) but in that it takes a certain flexibility and willingness to adapt as as schedules fluctuate. It can take a great deal of intent and focus to maintain not only the symbols and actions, but more importantly the headspace to live it out.
Now all these years in, we're beginning to quantify some of what it is we're doing and formalize parts of it that before now have perhaps not been as explicit precisely due to that schedule instability. Mainly though, we're both very aware of how in so many ways we are already living out so much despite the ever changing nature of our time together. This was to become an ongoing theme for us through parts of the weekend, that yes, we are doing certain things very successfully, though it may not always feel like such at the time. And those realizations also led to some very real confidence in what we're doing and how it works for us.
So we try to make time to talk about what we're seeing together, while also trying to pace ourselves so we can enjoy a fair amount of the weekend. By the end of the event, I sometimes feel I've missed a great deal, but neither of us are really up for going full bore, I don't think we'd get as much out of the events if we did.
Much as every time I turned around I saw another shuttle van (at the hotels at the venue, etc) we ended up taking our own vehicle back and forth if only in that it makes those trips out a little bit faster sometimes. That said, I think the shuttles are really fantastic, and had I been on my own a bit more over the weekend, I probably would have utilized them to get over to another workshop or two where Sir could have caught up with me later.
Later on Friday evening, we wandered the meet and greet just a little and I spent a little time at the Queer &LGBT meet-n-greet. There are still times and places I'm somewhat reserved in these spaces, particularly with people I don't know, but I did spend some time speaking with a very lovely couple, and there was appropriate oooooooooing and aaaaaaahing over some incredible tattoo work. In time though, I decided to head on out.
While Sir and I could have explored the Master/slave meet-n-greet, that isn't quite it either. It's not language we utilize, and not quite the way we structure our relationship, although we are finding that the M/s community is where we're most likely to find people discussing many of the issues and finer points that we end up on as well.
In the end, we went up to our room, fell into bed together and spent a little over an hour enjoying some rough sex. Sir pulled my hair and held me in place and took. It was exactly what I needed.
I don't know whether this was more a reflection of some of the conversations we had been having or more the feeling of freedom wherein in these times and spaces, being ourselves is perfectly natural. All I know is we felt close to one another and wanted each other and that at the time it was more important than anything else going on.
Later, we rushed through the shower and headed back for the final workshop session of the evening. Being late night people ourselves, the idea of a 10:30-midnight session was fine by us. I wish more events would begin to realize not everyone is all that interested at 9am sessions.
In any case, we decided on Lee Harrington's workshop on "alternative" relationship structures, and some of the language and concepts behind such. We had first seen Lee at the Ohio Leather Fest many years ago and really enjoyed the presentations. Being somewhat of a language wonk myself, I enjoyed this one as well.
One of the main points we came away from the session with, which was very much along the lines of our own thinking, is that whatever you are, however you identify, one of the important aspects of such is a form of intentionality about such. Be who you are, and know what you are, and how that lends itself to being able to better articulate what you are looking for and what your needs and wants are.
I also thought he did an excellent job of pulling apart jealousy and envy in poly relationships, and how a careful examination of the language used and why can lead to differing solutions. Saying what you really mean can help untangle some of those issues and get to the core of what it is you really need.
Afterwards we spent a little time in the massive dungeon space but decided to head back to the hotel to spend some time together instead.
Apparently I never got around to writing about it, but over last year's event, we had come back one evening and spent some time doing some beautiful and intense sensory deprivation training. It was a very important part of the event last year, to me at least, and was a memory I treasured from that first event.
This year, we came back to the room and Sir gave me another gift of an evening, hearkening back to that special memory. It was precisely the right way to begin the event, and by the time we both fell asleep in the wee hours of the morning, I think we were both very glad we had decided to make the trip.
Showing posts with label workshop. Show all posts
Showing posts with label workshop. Show all posts
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Monday, January 14, 2008
Winter Fetish Fair Fleamarket XXX
So the Flea is over, and we've headed on.
It had its moments, both good and well, to be perfectly frank, rather pathetic.
In the positive column; , stumbling across an old friend, spending a few brief minutes in the bullwhip lounge, interesting discussions between Sir and I sparked by workshops we went to, silk, flax, and hemp ropes, a new singletail, and even some new leather, (for later, that I've not earned yet), and a major 'plus', Providence, Rhode Island and the hotels, convention center, etc.
A good hotel experience can go a long way towards serving as a bulwark against not such good parts of an event. Providence itself was also a real win, and doubly so in light of the Fetish Fair Flea's previous experiences in Massachusetts.
By way of a middle column, somewhere between positives and negatives, or more accurately as a mix of both, we were fortunate enough to be able to attend all three of Midori's workshops; "Asian Rituals for Western Lovers", "Bondage Outside the Box", and "Make 'em Blush, Make 'em Squirm: Erotic Humiliation Play". All three were useful in terms of some of the conversations Sir and I ended up having, both good and bad.
But part of the real 'mixed bag'-ness of the three workshops was the 'massive herd' mentality that led to long lines to get in, tons of people, and naturally, the settings the workshops were in provided very few seats that actually afforded full views of what was going on. Thus, most audience members heard the presentations but could not see much of what was happening. Such could have been avoided in several ways, but for each of the three workshops, the same scenario played out.
In the negative column; certain aspects of some of the presentations, Some of the ways 'pros' were just woven through the event (in not so good ways), poorly woven whip handles, and I suppose my personal 'low' award for the event- a presenter who couldn't be bothered to show up on time for her own workshop due to... broken nails and an emergency quest for a manicurist. This from a woman whose website says, and I quote "don't waste my time", perhaps she might consider taking her own advice. (I've no qualms about naming names, as the workshop and presenter was publicly available on the FFF XXX website- "Mistress LunaSea")
Now I've seen everything. Suffice it to say, we felt no need to 'bottom' to her by waiting around to see whether or not she'd show up- so in the end I've no idea whether any form of the workshop managed to go forward or not, if it did, it went forward late and without us.
No presenter should ever need be tracked down by the event organizers AFTER the time their workshop was due to start, only to be reminded they had a workshop. D'oh. No, I wasn't impressed.
Sir and I also intentionally wandered into the 101 style "BDSM for beginners" for a number of reasons, not the least of which being trying to understand the 'intake path' many of today's newcomers are experiencing. (By way of readily admitting my own biases here, I've taught 101 workshops in the past.) I may or may not eventually get to writing about such, but for the time being, simply consider this another tidbit we both felt best deserved the negative column- and unfortunately the ramifications of such will continue to echo forward. More so still, in that this particular presentation has been an entry point for people in many times and places.
If I sound cynical and somewhat jaded, it's only because in some ways, I most certainly am.
On the other hand, as we somehow almost always seem to, Sir and I still managed to make some very high quality "us" time, which makes even broken nail absurdity somehow not only bearable, but something I'm just able to dismiss as the pathetic current state of affairs in some corners of 'The Scene'.
While I'm still glad I went, I am not sure I'd feel the need to return in the near future. That may be more a reflection of where Sir and I stand, though. The workshops we attended in many ways felt very 'beginner', and most of what was available at the market itself were things, and often dealers that in our travels we had seen over and over. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but for us, either visiting the brick and mortar stores when possible, or using online ordering takes care of most of what we would want from such.
Fortunately, though, there was the happy exception or two. I spend time at marketplaces like this looking for the unique, the unusual, and the custom. Radiance Bound for example was doing some lovely metallic work, very appropriate to formal Leather occasions, and some of Madame Butterfly's handmade silk rope came home with us.
The final thing to note about the FFF is that for 'outsiders' (those from out of New England for example), there is no main dungeon or 'play party' as part of the event, so what goes on, usually happens via pre-existing loose networks of friends or NE Leather organizations in private spaces. Without an 'in', you'll have to resort to a private evening in your own hotel room.
While this was absolutely fine for Sir and I (and yes, had we wanted to attend a party, that could have been arranged, we were not interested in such, this time, anyway) other people may find the 'barriers to entry' a bit high. It would be better to get to know people and build ties to organizations prior to the event if gaining an invitation to a party is important to you.
*** Addendum- there was an article Sunday in the Providence Journal- "Sex-Toy Trade Show Sports a Global Face".
I'm not altogether sure quite what I make of the article's angle, the 'sex toy biz'/"trade show", but apparently that was how the Journal understood the event. Clearly, they missed the fact that while the shopping is a major part of the event, what with being in the name and all, the real action had little to do with vendors. Most participants spent time in workshops or in hotel rooms practicing said newly acquired skills.
To simplify the flea down to a story about the American vs. Chinese sex toy industry and label the event a 'trade show' was just, well bizarro-world, though it certainly says a great deal about how 'outsiders' sometimes see us or comprehend us.
It had its moments, both good and well, to be perfectly frank, rather pathetic.
In the positive column; , stumbling across an old friend, spending a few brief minutes in the bullwhip lounge, interesting discussions between Sir and I sparked by workshops we went to, silk, flax, and hemp ropes, a new singletail, and even some new leather, (for later, that I've not earned yet), and a major 'plus', Providence, Rhode Island and the hotels, convention center, etc.
A good hotel experience can go a long way towards serving as a bulwark against not such good parts of an event. Providence itself was also a real win, and doubly so in light of the Fetish Fair Flea's previous experiences in Massachusetts.
By way of a middle column, somewhere between positives and negatives, or more accurately as a mix of both, we were fortunate enough to be able to attend all three of Midori's workshops; "Asian Rituals for Western Lovers", "Bondage Outside the Box", and "Make 'em Blush, Make 'em Squirm: Erotic Humiliation Play". All three were useful in terms of some of the conversations Sir and I ended up having, both good and bad.
But part of the real 'mixed bag'-ness of the three workshops was the 'massive herd' mentality that led to long lines to get in, tons of people, and naturally, the settings the workshops were in provided very few seats that actually afforded full views of what was going on. Thus, most audience members heard the presentations but could not see much of what was happening. Such could have been avoided in several ways, but for each of the three workshops, the same scenario played out.
In the negative column; certain aspects of some of the presentations, Some of the ways 'pros' were just woven through the event (in not so good ways), poorly woven whip handles, and I suppose my personal 'low' award for the event- a presenter who couldn't be bothered to show up on time for her own workshop due to... broken nails and an emergency quest for a manicurist. This from a woman whose website says, and I quote "don't waste my time", perhaps she might consider taking her own advice. (I've no qualms about naming names, as the workshop and presenter was publicly available on the FFF XXX website- "Mistress LunaSea")
Now I've seen everything. Suffice it to say, we felt no need to 'bottom' to her by waiting around to see whether or not she'd show up- so in the end I've no idea whether any form of the workshop managed to go forward or not, if it did, it went forward late and without us.
No presenter should ever need be tracked down by the event organizers AFTER the time their workshop was due to start, only to be reminded they had a workshop. D'oh. No, I wasn't impressed.
Sir and I also intentionally wandered into the 101 style "BDSM for beginners" for a number of reasons, not the least of which being trying to understand the 'intake path' many of today's newcomers are experiencing. (By way of readily admitting my own biases here, I've taught 101 workshops in the past.) I may or may not eventually get to writing about such, but for the time being, simply consider this another tidbit we both felt best deserved the negative column- and unfortunately the ramifications of such will continue to echo forward. More so still, in that this particular presentation has been an entry point for people in many times and places.
If I sound cynical and somewhat jaded, it's only because in some ways, I most certainly am.
On the other hand, as we somehow almost always seem to, Sir and I still managed to make some very high quality "us" time, which makes even broken nail absurdity somehow not only bearable, but something I'm just able to dismiss as the pathetic current state of affairs in some corners of 'The Scene'.
While I'm still glad I went, I am not sure I'd feel the need to return in the near future. That may be more a reflection of where Sir and I stand, though. The workshops we attended in many ways felt very 'beginner', and most of what was available at the market itself were things, and often dealers that in our travels we had seen over and over. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but for us, either visiting the brick and mortar stores when possible, or using online ordering takes care of most of what we would want from such.
Fortunately, though, there was the happy exception or two. I spend time at marketplaces like this looking for the unique, the unusual, and the custom. Radiance Bound for example was doing some lovely metallic work, very appropriate to formal Leather occasions, and some of Madame Butterfly's handmade silk rope came home with us.
The final thing to note about the FFF is that for 'outsiders' (those from out of New England for example), there is no main dungeon or 'play party' as part of the event, so what goes on, usually happens via pre-existing loose networks of friends or NE Leather organizations in private spaces. Without an 'in', you'll have to resort to a private evening in your own hotel room.
While this was absolutely fine for Sir and I (and yes, had we wanted to attend a party, that could have been arranged, we were not interested in such, this time, anyway) other people may find the 'barriers to entry' a bit high. It would be better to get to know people and build ties to organizations prior to the event if gaining an invitation to a party is important to you.
*** Addendum- there was an article Sunday in the Providence Journal- "Sex-Toy Trade Show Sports a Global Face".
I'm not altogether sure quite what I make of the article's angle, the 'sex toy biz'/"trade show", but apparently that was how the Journal understood the event. Clearly, they missed the fact that while the shopping is a major part of the event, what with being in the name and all, the real action had little to do with vendors. Most participants spent time in workshops or in hotel rooms practicing said newly acquired skills.
To simplify the flea down to a story about the American vs. Chinese sex toy industry and label the event a 'trade show' was just, well bizarro-world, though it certainly says a great deal about how 'outsiders' sometimes see us or comprehend us.
Monday, December 17, 2007
No S/switches allowed
(I'll probably do several BRXX posts, this is one of them)
'Flashback' to Snoopy from Peanuts, confronted with a 'no dogs allowed' sign.
Yeah, like that.
Or the archetypal boys clubhouse with the 'no girls allowed' sign posted on the side.
Yeah, like that.
There are days when I'm just so sick of this shit.
No, I'm not going to be able to say all I'd like to, because much of what goes on in spaces like BRXX, even things like the schedule or who presented what are tucked behind the wall of the members area. (See the public schedule and list of presenters. This is all you got unless you registered.) But I'm going to speak somewhat generally about what I've had enough of.
In the workshops, one segment was geared towards "submissives", and another towards "switches" (apparently dominants didn't get a space of their own on the schedule.)
In the end, I attended neither of them, partially out of being told I wasn't welcome at one, but primarily out of disgust.
(I'm at a difficulty here, as I cannot quote the program/descriptions in full, to give full context. I don't like that, but basically, by the nature of the event itself, they've made it unnecessarily difficult to write what really needs to be said here. Most events at least post a list of workshop descriptions and who will be presenting them publicly, with BRXX it was all behind the wall of paid registration. Even the dungeon rules were behind the wall of registration, which made making the decision about whether or not to even attend in the first place tricky, as you don't know what exactly you're agreeing to until after you've registered. Certainly made me raise eyebrows at their notions of 'consent'. In essence, you don't know exactly what it is you're agreeing to be bound to until AFTER you've registered.)
The S/switches roundtable was listed as discussing various issues regarding switching and "misconceptions" about switches.
The submissives roundtable on the other hand was explicitly labeled as only for those who identify as "slave, sub, or bottom only"..."Sorry no tops or switches allowed".
So let's review-
* No space set aside for Dominants
* A space dealing with the topic of switching, more a discussion about switching and dealing with misconceptions about it, open to anyone far as I could tell.
* And finally (paraphrasing here) a "submissives only" kind of space, for an internal dialog amongst those who identify as purely that end of the 'spectrum'.
This is somewhat problematic from where I sit for lots of reasons.
Among other things, it means that someone who uses the word "submissive" to self identify EVEN IF THEY DECIDED THEY WERE SUBMISSIVE LAST WEEK/EVEN IF THEY HAVE NO EXPERIENCE IN THE REAL WORLD WHATSOEVER is allowed into the sub room, even as someone like me, who has spent the past 11 years in service, collared, living our version of 24-7, and wearing a locked on 'permanent' 'collar' of sorts about my wrist for the last year and half or so can't.
In my day to day existence I self-identify most clearly as Sir's property. But apparently my 'contaminating' S/switch influence would somehow infect their submissive "safe space". Yeah, this is a problem.
This is a problem in that in much of Queer Leather culture, anyway, Sirs and Masters usually began as slaves. One usually didn't tend to spring forth fully formed, a MASTER with whip in hand, at least not if one hoped to be recognized as such by a broader community. Nope, you began in service. Learning skills, being mentored, earning your leathers, and eventually in time with the support of those around you, and with community recognition of where one was headed, you transitioned into a position at the other end of the spectrum. At least, that was the (Queer) Leather community I once knew.
So any notion of a 'safe space' set apart from any tinge of dominance- brought in either by "tops" (to use their word) or "switches" is laughable from where I sit- or at least (possibly) an extremely heterocentrist view of things.
Both of which are made all the more ironic in light of the fact that person/'presenter' running the submissives' roundtable is not het identified and has made a living off being labeled/self labeling as "Old Guard". (A term in and of itself blog worthy.) One might think that this presenter would be uniquely qualified to undermine such assumptions about everyone in a room of 'slaves' would intrinsically evermore REMAIN on the 'slave' end of things, but no. Apparently not.
Saddest part of all this? By hanging the 'no switches allowed!' sign out, they turn away a wealth of experience and to put it bluntly insight. Yes, at times some insights born of having experience both ends of the whip, which leads to it's own understandings and explorations of empathy. But also the experiences and insights of those who have lived as 'slave, sub or bottom'.
And to be sure, I can't have been the only S/switch too discouraged and disgusted to even set foot in the place. That said, how prey tell, did they intend to ensure their 'pure zone' in the first place? I mean, what, asking everyone walking in the door 'you're not a ~SWITCH!~ are you?' DNA tests? Some kink equivalent of Kinsey scales to be filled out while connected to polygraphs? The mind boggles.
The main thing I walk away from this particular incident with a feeling of sadness. Sadness that the voices of those who have 'been there' and might actually have meaningful, perhaps even useful things to say are once again shut out out of prejudice. Our years of experiences are once again swept aside out of fear that a S/switch might somehow damage the intended 'purity' of a space. And that's everyone's loss. It's a community loss.
I wrote about that community loss back here, saying
"Thus I find myself talking with two sets of friends- would be mentors bemoan their lack of ability to find someone to pass on their skills, history, traditions and knowledge to, and those young in Leather, bemoaning their inability to find voices of experience."
Prejudice, specifically in this instance against S/switches is (one example of) exactly the kind of thing keeping these two sets of people apart. And I know we as a (much broader) 'community' could do better.
On a more personal note, the other side effect of what I carry away from this whole experience? The presenter running the submissives' space was one of the swaying reasons I had decided to go to BRXX in the first place, I wanted a chance to hear said presenter speak.
Worse, due to scheduling, the submissives' roundtable, (yes, something I was actually looking forward to- until I saw I was being told get the hell out) was going to be the only chance during the weekend to actually see anything they were presenting.
Now, on the back end of it, I feel no need to go out of my way to see this particular presenter at all. At some point, if it's convenient to me, at an event I'm already at, I may sit in- somewhere I'm allowed, if only to see firsthand what the hell went this wrong.
I slept in instead of going to the switch's segment. They weren't going to be gathering a mob with pitchforks and torches, ready to storm the castle (i.e. the 'submissives only space,) and educating ME about the misconceptions about S/switches ain't exactly the problem here. (Although the presenter for the submissives' roundtable probably belonged there more than they'll ever know.)
And I wasn't allowed in the submissives' roundtable, so that was that.
I went to a good 'how to' sort of workshop instead.
As a self identified Radical Feminist, can I understand the value in 'womyn only spaces' and similar? Yes. The feminist community went through its own, yet different version of this in terms of Lesbian only spaces and the 'contaminating influences' of heterosexual womyn.
The difference here is that some S/switches do live in their day to day as submissives, slaves, and bottoms, whereas heterosexual womyn don't in their day to day lives live as those who sleep with womyn- although some of us Bisexual Womyn do. Bisexuals like S/switches go through precisely this kind of being ostracised. Being both Bi and Switch, I can't help but feel like I've been here before.
I've fought these battles before. And damn it, while we get to learn over and over and over from everyone else's mistakes, those fucking us over never seem to learn. As I said, I'm sick of it.
Unfortunately, this can't be confined to just 'oh it was one presenter'. This was systemic in terms of Black Rose allowing the creation of such a space within its event. Glancing over the other workshops, this barring of people, even people who often identify as the very group the workshop was about stands out as rather unique. (Yes, ageplay- adults acting as "littles"- spaces often bar other adults entering without a "little" with them, but the adults in this senario are not people who sometimes self identify as "littles".)
I can understand asking Dominants not to attend, (or perhaps not participate in) a discussion by submissives for submissives about submission (although in watching they could potentially learn a great deal). But to tell S/switches, many of whom live our day to day lives primarily on the submissive end of things to 'get out and stay out' is just, well, bullshit. And Black Rose OKed that.
Had I been able to go, I would not have been there to discuss 'profound observations from the handle end of the whip'- those would have been off topic and out of place, it was simply neither the time nor the place for such. As a sometimes workshop moderator myself I can understand how easy it can be for someone to sidetrack a discussion, but rather than barring us premptively as a class, instead give us the chance, and then if there's a problem deal with individual behaviour (hint, this is where moderators MODERATE! Facilitators FACILITATE, and get back on track), don't deal with such by excluding a class of people.
Had I been allowed in, I would have been there to discuss the things submissives discuss. Believe it or not, just because I'm a S/swtich that doesn't mean I'm incapable of staying on topic.
And I sure as hell would not have been there to 'scope out the subs' for later hunting purposes. Although if that was the moderator's fear, barring S/switches isn't going to do a thing about the other 'sub/slave/bottoms' in the room who decide later that they're more interested in being the Dominant/Master/Top. In short people's identity often changes through time, and no amount of prejudice against people who self identify with a certain label is going to 'protect' anyone from someone else who once sat next to them in a workshop coming back at some later date with a different self identity or a different set of realizations about their identity or experiences under the belt.
So I guess you could say part of my Black Rose XX experience was in being told in no uncertain terms, from the organizational level down that I was unwelcome in one of the very spaces I was particularly interested in going to. I don't think most other attendees had that experience.
The sad things is it's ultimately a community loss.
I'm not saying this was my primary experience of the event, just that it was an important one, and one that left an impression.
I hope other people running events in the future will keep such in mind in their own planning.
'Flashback' to Snoopy from Peanuts, confronted with a 'no dogs allowed' sign.
Yeah, like that.
Or the archetypal boys clubhouse with the 'no girls allowed' sign posted on the side.
Yeah, like that.
There are days when I'm just so sick of this shit.
No, I'm not going to be able to say all I'd like to, because much of what goes on in spaces like BRXX, even things like the schedule or who presented what are tucked behind the wall of the members area. (See the public schedule and list of presenters. This is all you got unless you registered.) But I'm going to speak somewhat generally about what I've had enough of.
In the workshops, one segment was geared towards "submissives", and another towards "switches" (apparently dominants didn't get a space of their own on the schedule.)
In the end, I attended neither of them, partially out of being told I wasn't welcome at one, but primarily out of disgust.
(I'm at a difficulty here, as I cannot quote the program/descriptions in full, to give full context. I don't like that, but basically, by the nature of the event itself, they've made it unnecessarily difficult to write what really needs to be said here. Most events at least post a list of workshop descriptions and who will be presenting them publicly, with BRXX it was all behind the wall of paid registration. Even the dungeon rules were behind the wall of registration, which made making the decision about whether or not to even attend in the first place tricky, as you don't know what exactly you're agreeing to until after you've registered. Certainly made me raise eyebrows at their notions of 'consent'. In essence, you don't know exactly what it is you're agreeing to be bound to until AFTER you've registered.)
The S/switches roundtable was listed as discussing various issues regarding switching and "misconceptions" about switches.
The submissives roundtable on the other hand was explicitly labeled as only for those who identify as "slave, sub, or bottom only"..."Sorry no tops or switches allowed".
So let's review-
* No space set aside for Dominants
* A space dealing with the topic of switching, more a discussion about switching and dealing with misconceptions about it, open to anyone far as I could tell.
* And finally (paraphrasing here) a "submissives only" kind of space, for an internal dialog amongst those who identify as purely that end of the 'spectrum'.
This is somewhat problematic from where I sit for lots of reasons.
Among other things, it means that someone who uses the word "submissive" to self identify EVEN IF THEY DECIDED THEY WERE SUBMISSIVE LAST WEEK/EVEN IF THEY HAVE NO EXPERIENCE IN THE REAL WORLD WHATSOEVER is allowed into the sub room, even as someone like me, who has spent the past 11 years in service, collared, living our version of 24-7, and wearing a locked on 'permanent' 'collar' of sorts about my wrist for the last year and half or so can't.
In my day to day existence I self-identify most clearly as Sir's property. But apparently my 'contaminating' S/switch influence would somehow infect their submissive "safe space". Yeah, this is a problem.
This is a problem in that in much of Queer Leather culture, anyway, Sirs and Masters usually began as slaves. One usually didn't tend to spring forth fully formed, a MASTER with whip in hand, at least not if one hoped to be recognized as such by a broader community. Nope, you began in service. Learning skills, being mentored, earning your leathers, and eventually in time with the support of those around you, and with community recognition of where one was headed, you transitioned into a position at the other end of the spectrum. At least, that was the (Queer) Leather community I once knew.
So any notion of a 'safe space' set apart from any tinge of dominance- brought in either by "tops" (to use their word) or "switches" is laughable from where I sit- or at least (possibly) an extremely heterocentrist view of things.
Both of which are made all the more ironic in light of the fact that person/'presenter' running the submissives' roundtable is not het identified and has made a living off being labeled/self labeling as "Old Guard". (A term in and of itself blog worthy.) One might think that this presenter would be uniquely qualified to undermine such assumptions about everyone in a room of 'slaves' would intrinsically evermore REMAIN on the 'slave' end of things, but no. Apparently not.
Saddest part of all this? By hanging the 'no switches allowed!' sign out, they turn away a wealth of experience and to put it bluntly insight. Yes, at times some insights born of having experience both ends of the whip, which leads to it's own understandings and explorations of empathy. But also the experiences and insights of those who have lived as 'slave, sub or bottom'.
And to be sure, I can't have been the only S/switch too discouraged and disgusted to even set foot in the place. That said, how prey tell, did they intend to ensure their 'pure zone' in the first place? I mean, what, asking everyone walking in the door 'you're not a ~SWITCH!~ are you?' DNA tests? Some kink equivalent of Kinsey scales to be filled out while connected to polygraphs? The mind boggles.
The main thing I walk away from this particular incident with a feeling of sadness. Sadness that the voices of those who have 'been there' and might actually have meaningful, perhaps even useful things to say are once again shut out out of prejudice. Our years of experiences are once again swept aside out of fear that a S/switch might somehow damage the intended 'purity' of a space. And that's everyone's loss. It's a community loss.
I wrote about that community loss back here, saying
"Thus I find myself talking with two sets of friends- would be mentors bemoan their lack of ability to find someone to pass on their skills, history, traditions and knowledge to, and those young in Leather, bemoaning their inability to find voices of experience."
Prejudice, specifically in this instance against S/switches is (one example of) exactly the kind of thing keeping these two sets of people apart. And I know we as a (much broader) 'community' could do better.
On a more personal note, the other side effect of what I carry away from this whole experience? The presenter running the submissives' space was one of the swaying reasons I had decided to go to BRXX in the first place, I wanted a chance to hear said presenter speak.
Worse, due to scheduling, the submissives' roundtable, (yes, something I was actually looking forward to- until I saw I was being told get the hell out) was going to be the only chance during the weekend to actually see anything they were presenting.
Now, on the back end of it, I feel no need to go out of my way to see this particular presenter at all. At some point, if it's convenient to me, at an event I'm already at, I may sit in- somewhere I'm allowed, if only to see firsthand what the hell went this wrong.
I slept in instead of going to the switch's segment. They weren't going to be gathering a mob with pitchforks and torches, ready to storm the castle (i.e. the 'submissives only space,) and educating ME about the misconceptions about S/switches ain't exactly the problem here. (Although the presenter for the submissives' roundtable probably belonged there more than they'll ever know.)
And I wasn't allowed in the submissives' roundtable, so that was that.
I went to a good 'how to' sort of workshop instead.
As a self identified Radical Feminist, can I understand the value in 'womyn only spaces' and similar? Yes. The feminist community went through its own, yet different version of this in terms of Lesbian only spaces and the 'contaminating influences' of heterosexual womyn.
The difference here is that some S/switches do live in their day to day as submissives, slaves, and bottoms, whereas heterosexual womyn don't in their day to day lives live as those who sleep with womyn- although some of us Bisexual Womyn do. Bisexuals like S/switches go through precisely this kind of being ostracised. Being both Bi and Switch, I can't help but feel like I've been here before.
I've fought these battles before. And damn it, while we get to learn over and over and over from everyone else's mistakes, those fucking us over never seem to learn. As I said, I'm sick of it.
Unfortunately, this can't be confined to just 'oh it was one presenter'. This was systemic in terms of Black Rose allowing the creation of such a space within its event. Glancing over the other workshops, this barring of people, even people who often identify as the very group the workshop was about stands out as rather unique. (Yes, ageplay- adults acting as "littles"- spaces often bar other adults entering without a "little" with them, but the adults in this senario are not people who sometimes self identify as "littles".)
I can understand asking Dominants not to attend, (or perhaps not participate in) a discussion by submissives for submissives about submission (although in watching they could potentially learn a great deal). But to tell S/switches, many of whom live our day to day lives primarily on the submissive end of things to 'get out and stay out' is just, well, bullshit. And Black Rose OKed that.
Had I been able to go, I would not have been there to discuss 'profound observations from the handle end of the whip'- those would have been off topic and out of place, it was simply neither the time nor the place for such. As a sometimes workshop moderator myself I can understand how easy it can be for someone to sidetrack a discussion, but rather than barring us premptively as a class, instead give us the chance, and then if there's a problem deal with individual behaviour (hint, this is where moderators MODERATE! Facilitators FACILITATE, and get back on track), don't deal with such by excluding a class of people.
Had I been allowed in, I would have been there to discuss the things submissives discuss. Believe it or not, just because I'm a S/swtich that doesn't mean I'm incapable of staying on topic.
And I sure as hell would not have been there to 'scope out the subs' for later hunting purposes. Although if that was the moderator's fear, barring S/switches isn't going to do a thing about the other 'sub/slave/bottoms' in the room who decide later that they're more interested in being the Dominant/Master/Top. In short people's identity often changes through time, and no amount of prejudice against people who self identify with a certain label is going to 'protect' anyone from someone else who once sat next to them in a workshop coming back at some later date with a different self identity or a different set of realizations about their identity or experiences under the belt.
So I guess you could say part of my Black Rose XX experience was in being told in no uncertain terms, from the organizational level down that I was unwelcome in one of the very spaces I was particularly interested in going to. I don't think most other attendees had that experience.
The sad things is it's ultimately a community loss.
I'm not saying this was my primary experience of the event, just that it was an important one, and one that left an impression.
I hope other people running events in the future will keep such in mind in their own planning.
Friday, December 7, 2007
Aftermath and Winter Fetish Flea
(Yeah, I know, folks want my post BRXX post or posts. I'll get there! Really, I will!)
So we're back home after BRXX, suitcases partially unpacked. Most of the tools put away. I can't believe it's almost been a week already. Midweek Sir and I were interested in going to the BESS meet and greet followed by the educational meeting, which was going to be a panel entitled "A view from the Top", but both were canceled due to the first real snow of the year. Disappointed, but hopefully, they'll reschedule.
It's only been a few days, but my shoulder has mostly healed, just three small raised red lines remain. I always feel an odd disappointment as marks fade. Sir is already contemplating scalpels for 'next times'. I like scalpels, but I also like sharp ordinary knives. They're very different effects on both the skin and the mind. Mainly, I'm just amused he's happily contemplating again/more.
So, even before BRXX, we'd been thinking about heading up to Rhode Island for the Winter Fetish Flea. Now that they no longer have to deal with some of the Mass. stupidity, it should make for a more reasonable event.
Crazy as it sounds, I've never made any of the Boston area Fetish Fleas. Never once, in all these years- despite the fannish overlaps, despite friends going for years, despite friends in Boston, I'd just never made it. Sir has tended in the past to make dismissive comments along the lines of 'Boston, in the dead of Winter?!?'. But of course, he's done New England in Winter multiple times, and knows snow is by no means the end of the world.
We intentionally put off making a final decision until after BRXX. It made hotels a bit more complicated, but in the end we got what we wanted, and have reservations set to go. Several workshops look interesting, and Midori is going to be teaching several classes. (I'm also peeking at the rest of the schedule for her New England trip, and skritching my head thoughtfully. Maybe we could work in more than just the Flea.)
Getting up to that neck of the woods, also comes with another possible ulterior motive, potentially seeing someone dear to me, although that part remains undecided for the moment. That's its own story, though. I also have some family I'd like to try to overlap schedules with if possible, kind of a more relaxed post holidaze get together.
So that's the deal, home from one event, blog posts as of yet unwritten, and we're already lining up the next. No this wasn't sparked by having some kind of fantastic time at BRXX, it was just something we had both talked about doing for a long time now, and this year made sense.
As if that wasn't enough, we're also wondering about maybe a short Yuletide trip back to the midwest before the end of the month to see family. I don't know whether that's a very real possibility or not at the moment, but if so, it would mean approximately two weeks, followed by trip, followed by another couple of weeks followed by the next trip- with family both in the midwest and here squeezed in between.
But we've sort of another possible reason to get out to the midwest too, which could involve a particular piercer... .
In case it's not obvious, things may be hectic right now, but they're also going pretty darn well.
So we're back home after BRXX, suitcases partially unpacked. Most of the tools put away. I can't believe it's almost been a week already. Midweek Sir and I were interested in going to the BESS meet and greet followed by the educational meeting, which was going to be a panel entitled "A view from the Top", but both were canceled due to the first real snow of the year. Disappointed, but hopefully, they'll reschedule.
It's only been a few days, but my shoulder has mostly healed, just three small raised red lines remain. I always feel an odd disappointment as marks fade. Sir is already contemplating scalpels for 'next times'. I like scalpels, but I also like sharp ordinary knives. They're very different effects on both the skin and the mind. Mainly, I'm just amused he's happily contemplating again/more.
So, even before BRXX, we'd been thinking about heading up to Rhode Island for the Winter Fetish Flea. Now that they no longer have to deal with some of the Mass. stupidity, it should make for a more reasonable event.
Crazy as it sounds, I've never made any of the Boston area Fetish Fleas. Never once, in all these years- despite the fannish overlaps, despite friends going for years, despite friends in Boston, I'd just never made it. Sir has tended in the past to make dismissive comments along the lines of 'Boston, in the dead of Winter?!?'. But of course, he's done New England in Winter multiple times, and knows snow is by no means the end of the world.
We intentionally put off making a final decision until after BRXX. It made hotels a bit more complicated, but in the end we got what we wanted, and have reservations set to go. Several workshops look interesting, and Midori is going to be teaching several classes. (I'm also peeking at the rest of the schedule for her New England trip, and skritching my head thoughtfully. Maybe we could work in more than just the Flea.)
Getting up to that neck of the woods, also comes with another possible ulterior motive, potentially seeing someone dear to me, although that part remains undecided for the moment. That's its own story, though. I also have some family I'd like to try to overlap schedules with if possible, kind of a more relaxed post holidaze get together.
So that's the deal, home from one event, blog posts as of yet unwritten, and we're already lining up the next. No this wasn't sparked by having some kind of fantastic time at BRXX, it was just something we had both talked about doing for a long time now, and this year made sense.
As if that wasn't enough, we're also wondering about maybe a short Yuletide trip back to the midwest before the end of the month to see family. I don't know whether that's a very real possibility or not at the moment, but if so, it would mean approximately two weeks, followed by trip, followed by another couple of weeks followed by the next trip- with family both in the midwest and here squeezed in between.
But we've sort of another possible reason to get out to the midwest too, which could involve a particular piercer... .
In case it's not obvious, things may be hectic right now, but they're also going pretty darn well.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Some of that "relationship maintainence" which seems as second nature to us
So last night, much as I intended to make the Black Rose history panel, it wasn't to be. I was disappointed, but there was just no way it was going to happen. Apparently there may be a BR history workshop over the course of BRXX, so I'll keep my fingers crossed and hope to see something there. In the end, it was just as well we didn't go, as last night was something I would not have missed.
We spent the evening 'in', and this led to a rather intense discussion about some of where we're going with all this, some of what this 're-entry' into corners of 'the scene' is meaning for us, and a great deal of discussion about what we both want, and how to make it all work with our real day to day life. (By "intense" I do not mean 'heated', I mean very 'raw', very 'close to the bone', very 'real'.)
These are very real issues for us, for while we are both long term people in (and out of) 'the scene', (15 and 20 years, actually), we come at it from very different places with what are at times somewhat different expectations.
It's been very odd to come to groups ten years later, and see the occasional familiar face, only to realize that in ten years, they haven't changed a bit (and that's not necessarily a good thing). We, on the other hand, have changed a great deal. So it can be very jarring at times.
Most importantly, though, I think we've both pretty clear on the fact that while we may wander through 'the scene' in certain times and ways, the heart of who we are and what we do is very much something we live out here at home/with each other. Unlike so many people, who are only able to do these things, or wear these things, or be who they feel they are when they step out of their private spaces and daily lives and into 'scene' spaces, Sir and I actually live out our 'leather lifestyle' in the day to day. It's a luxury, and we understand how rare that is compared to many other people.
Nor do we compartmentalize our 'leather lives' away into something done in 'scene spaces' or events. There is no 'stepping out of role' for us, because our 'roles' are not 'roles' they are who we are. This is part of why terms like 'scening' have never worked for me, it's not something I relegate to Fridays between 7pm and 1am, or 'at clubs', or anything like that. No doubt some would then turn to us and say, oh no biggie, you 24/7. Which, while I suppose can be one way of putting it, is not how we see it. We simply are who we are. I may not use the word "Sir"except by accident when some friends or family is present, but that's out of respect for them and their comfort, not out of hiding anything. Most of my close friends know this simple fact of our relationship anyways, so hearing the occasional "Sir" to them is merely an acknowledgement of the realities of our lives.
In any case, so we sat and spoke at length last night, if only to be sure we are both on the same page coming off some of the experiences we're having and in relation to the direction(s) we both want to head.
Some people set aside one night a week to have these kinds of 'relationship' talks, for us though, it is nothing so formal. We just sometimes have an evening when we both have time and want to touch base with one another, and so we spend a few hours talking about the framework we're building together, and how we're relating to some of the shared experiences we're having.
Not surprisingly, afterwards, I went upstairs, got several tools together and Sir followed me up not long thereafter. No, this did not lead to a long hard night of whipping, nor of rough sex. Instead, it lead to being held tightly, and forced to cum repeatedly in his arms, slowly loosing control to whispered threats and promises of training/what will be done to me, soon enough.
I am exactly where I want to be.
We spent the evening 'in', and this led to a rather intense discussion about some of where we're going with all this, some of what this 're-entry' into corners of 'the scene' is meaning for us, and a great deal of discussion about what we both want, and how to make it all work with our real day to day life. (By "intense" I do not mean 'heated', I mean very 'raw', very 'close to the bone', very 'real'.)
These are very real issues for us, for while we are both long term people in (and out of) 'the scene', (15 and 20 years, actually), we come at it from very different places with what are at times somewhat different expectations.
It's been very odd to come to groups ten years later, and see the occasional familiar face, only to realize that in ten years, they haven't changed a bit (and that's not necessarily a good thing). We, on the other hand, have changed a great deal. So it can be very jarring at times.
Most importantly, though, I think we've both pretty clear on the fact that while we may wander through 'the scene' in certain times and ways, the heart of who we are and what we do is very much something we live out here at home/with each other. Unlike so many people, who are only able to do these things, or wear these things, or be who they feel they are when they step out of their private spaces and daily lives and into 'scene' spaces, Sir and I actually live out our 'leather lifestyle' in the day to day. It's a luxury, and we understand how rare that is compared to many other people.
Nor do we compartmentalize our 'leather lives' away into something done in 'scene spaces' or events. There is no 'stepping out of role' for us, because our 'roles' are not 'roles' they are who we are. This is part of why terms like 'scening' have never worked for me, it's not something I relegate to Fridays between 7pm and 1am, or 'at clubs', or anything like that. No doubt some would then turn to us and say, oh no biggie, you 24/7. Which, while I suppose can be one way of putting it, is not how we see it. We simply are who we are. I may not use the word "Sir"except by accident when some friends or family is present, but that's out of respect for them and their comfort, not out of hiding anything. Most of my close friends know this simple fact of our relationship anyways, so hearing the occasional "Sir" to them is merely an acknowledgement of the realities of our lives.
In any case, so we sat and spoke at length last night, if only to be sure we are both on the same page coming off some of the experiences we're having and in relation to the direction(s) we both want to head.
Some people set aside one night a week to have these kinds of 'relationship' talks, for us though, it is nothing so formal. We just sometimes have an evening when we both have time and want to touch base with one another, and so we spend a few hours talking about the framework we're building together, and how we're relating to some of the shared experiences we're having.
Not surprisingly, afterwards, I went upstairs, got several tools together and Sir followed me up not long thereafter. No, this did not lead to a long hard night of whipping, nor of rough sex. Instead, it lead to being held tightly, and forced to cum repeatedly in his arms, slowly loosing control to whispered threats and promises of training/what will be done to me, soon enough.
I am exactly where I want to be.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
BESS- "Switch, no longer a dirty word"
So Sir and I attended Wednesday night's BESS (Baltimore Educational and Social Society) educational meeting. This week, they focused on S/switches- which despite being one myself, I despise the terminology for as it implies a binary 'on/off' dichotomy, rather than the more realistic multitude of realities that many of us live within. While I continue to search for better terminology, I tend to write the word in such as way as to imply a both/and at the same moment, "S/switch" in my own writings.
Unfortunately, false binaries plagued the presentation itself, leading to vast oversimplifications. And while the presenters acknowledged they were engaging in such, they marched boldly onward anyway- relying upon a straight line continuum betwixt 'Top/Master/etc- which jokingly got referred to as 'the dark side' and 'bottom/slave/etc' which in turn became 'the light side'. While such may work for duct tape, it rarely works for human relationships.
In any case, in very Kinsey scale fashion, there was much discussion on how most folks fall somewhere in the middle- and hence the discussion of 'switches' began.
I on the other hand, reject the false binary and instead see far more of a 50's stylized 'starburst' design (see Ace Jackalope's "Sputversary" for the definitive photo essay and description of objects similar to what I'm describing), a three dimensional object, with many continuums intersecting at various center points, although in my model the 'center points' along each line may not be even, thus creating many unequal arms.
Further, being bi, and poly, I may have one starburst for what I seek in one partner, or one partner of a particular gender, and another completely separate starburst for another partner, perhaps of another gender.
As for the lines/continuums piercing the center ball, they can be any number of things;
perhaps a pain related continuum- Sadist/masochist
an ownership related continuum- Master/slave
a gender portrayal continuum- Butch/femme
more or less a 'who leads' continuum- Dominant/submissive
a service continuum- Served/Serving
The Kinsey Queer related continuum- homo/het
Etc. Without doubt, there are many, many more.
The fact of the matter is that most of us in describing ourselves, and most of our partners or desired partners fall somewhere in the middle of each of these continuums. So we end up with starbusts, not straight lines when trying to accurately portray the realities of our real lives. And those points along each of those lines may change through time, from relationship to relationship, and partner to partner- even under one roof.
Three other quick notes, there was a strange emphasis on S/switches 'switching' in relation to "moods". For me, "mood" has nothing to do with it- the relationship to the partner determines the parameters, although when I have been in a relationship with another 'switch' while we may have partially changed roles though the course of years, we 'trended' towards one dynamic or another over the course of time, not nightly or hour to hour.
Secondly, while some may relate to "Poly, Bi, Switch" (PBS) as "greedy", I relate to it more as "PBS- and no that doesn't mean I'll sleep with you." Both Sir and I are highly selective about our partners.
And finally, remarkably, it took most of the workshop before it was finally mentioned that the way these things USED to be done was that Masters began as slaves. This was not 'switch' so much as it was earning the eventual right to call oneself "Master" it was about learning skills and earning leathers- a process most of today's Masters bypass entirely. But that 'starting at the bottom' had a great deal of value, among other things it taught a root of empathy with the things one was going to put their own slaves/bottoms/etc through.
It seems to me, "empathy" is the key word in relation to the S/switch experience. How one holds workshops without focusing upon that aspect leaves me wondering if it is perhaps so obvious as to be invisible, thus remains unidentified.
I was taught you never use a tool on someone else that had not first been used on you- and that had to do with having an intimate understanding of what the tool was capable of, what sensations it produced, and what kinds of potential reactions to expect. It had to do with earning the right to use that tool on another.
In these days of 'instant (true!) Master- just add internet!" such a process is unimaginable. Mere mention of such would be met with blank stares.
No, I'm not demanding all today's "Masters" begin at the bottom and work their way through. Some already have an innate empathy which seems to allow them to bypass the process and not be the worse for it, others, on the other hand, could use to first hand experience. It might help them understand that just because a work of fiction kept a girl naked and on her knees for 10 hour stretches, real girl's real knees aren't likely to enjoy that.
So, for my own reference, the calendar listing for the event.
October, 17th
Topic: Switch, no longer a dirty world..
With: Griffin and ann goodpet
Unfortunately, false binaries plagued the presentation itself, leading to vast oversimplifications. And while the presenters acknowledged they were engaging in such, they marched boldly onward anyway- relying upon a straight line continuum betwixt 'Top/Master/etc- which jokingly got referred to as 'the dark side' and 'bottom/slave/etc' which in turn became 'the light side'. While such may work for duct tape, it rarely works for human relationships.
In any case, in very Kinsey scale fashion, there was much discussion on how most folks fall somewhere in the middle- and hence the discussion of 'switches' began.
I on the other hand, reject the false binary and instead see far more of a 50's stylized 'starburst' design (see Ace Jackalope's "Sputversary" for the definitive photo essay and description of objects similar to what I'm describing), a three dimensional object, with many continuums intersecting at various center points, although in my model the 'center points' along each line may not be even, thus creating many unequal arms.
Further, being bi, and poly, I may have one starburst for what I seek in one partner, or one partner of a particular gender, and another completely separate starburst for another partner, perhaps of another gender.
As for the lines/continuums piercing the center ball, they can be any number of things;
perhaps a pain related continuum- Sadist/masochist
an ownership related continuum- Master/slave
a gender portrayal continuum- Butch/femme
more or less a 'who leads' continuum- Dominant/submissive
a service continuum- Served/Serving
The Kinsey Queer related continuum- homo/het
Etc. Without doubt, there are many, many more.
The fact of the matter is that most of us in describing ourselves, and most of our partners or desired partners fall somewhere in the middle of each of these continuums. So we end up with starbusts, not straight lines when trying to accurately portray the realities of our real lives. And those points along each of those lines may change through time, from relationship to relationship, and partner to partner- even under one roof.
Three other quick notes, there was a strange emphasis on S/switches 'switching' in relation to "moods". For me, "mood" has nothing to do with it- the relationship to the partner determines the parameters, although when I have been in a relationship with another 'switch' while we may have partially changed roles though the course of years, we 'trended' towards one dynamic or another over the course of time, not nightly or hour to hour.
Secondly, while some may relate to "Poly, Bi, Switch" (PBS) as "greedy", I relate to it more as "PBS- and no that doesn't mean I'll sleep with you." Both Sir and I are highly selective about our partners.
And finally, remarkably, it took most of the workshop before it was finally mentioned that the way these things USED to be done was that Masters began as slaves. This was not 'switch' so much as it was earning the eventual right to call oneself "Master" it was about learning skills and earning leathers- a process most of today's Masters bypass entirely. But that 'starting at the bottom' had a great deal of value, among other things it taught a root of empathy with the things one was going to put their own slaves/bottoms/etc through.
It seems to me, "empathy" is the key word in relation to the S/switch experience. How one holds workshops without focusing upon that aspect leaves me wondering if it is perhaps so obvious as to be invisible, thus remains unidentified.
I was taught you never use a tool on someone else that had not first been used on you- and that had to do with having an intimate understanding of what the tool was capable of, what sensations it produced, and what kinds of potential reactions to expect. It had to do with earning the right to use that tool on another.
In these days of 'instant (true!) Master- just add internet!" such a process is unimaginable. Mere mention of such would be met with blank stares.
No, I'm not demanding all today's "Masters" begin at the bottom and work their way through. Some already have an innate empathy which seems to allow them to bypass the process and not be the worse for it, others, on the other hand, could use to first hand experience. It might help them understand that just because a work of fiction kept a girl naked and on her knees for 10 hour stretches, real girl's real knees aren't likely to enjoy that.
So, for my own reference, the calendar listing for the event.
October, 17th
Topic: Switch, no longer a dirty world..
With: Griffin and ann goodpet
– Being yourself in a world that loves labels and titles. This discussion will cover the way the lifestyle view switches, the different type of switches and switching, and how to maintain relationships when one or more partners are switches. Also will covered will be types of scenes that are often avoided by non-switching Tops but are, oh, so much fun. Griffin identifies as a Master who bottoms. His slave ann is a bottom who has been known to do some service Topping.
Griffin: Griffin, has been active in the lifestyle and the DC area scene for over 10 years. He is an active pony player (watch for Him in the documentary Born in a Barn), kidnapper, presenter, and all around scene player. Griffin enjoys rough play, takedowns, and wrestling along with the lighter sensuous scenes. Although well versed in a variety of tools of the trade, and different play styles, He is often seen doing intense physical scenes without any of the traditional toy use, only using His own body as His tools. Playing on the edge, Griffin follows RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink). Griffin is an alumni of the Master Taino’s Masters Academy and a member of Black Rose and on staff at Crucible. When not at an event He can be found sailing, working on His experimental Gyro-plane, or practicing sword fighting for the SCA tournaments. He currently lives in District Heights, MD with His dog Mandy, His partner and slavemate, ann, and salve lorrie, the newest member of the Griffin Household. Griffin’s home, fondly referred to as Castle Griffin, is a service/teaching household and host several lifestyle events throughout the year, including slave retreats, formal Master Dinners, play parties, and SIGs.
Ann Goodpet: Ann Goodpet identifies as a service submissive and slavemate to Griffin and has been active in the lifestyle for over 7 years. She is has been an active member, service provider, presenter and scene player in several groups in SC, NC, and the DC area. She is a member of Black Rose and staff at the Crucible. She lives in District Heights, MD with her partner and Master, Captain Griffin, His dog Mandy and slave lorrie, the newest member of the family.. ann enjoys the M/s lifestyle and is often doing service for groups, leather families, events, and individuals, always under the approval and guidance of her Master. ann is an alumni of Master Taino’s slave Academy. In addition to lifestyle activities and event, ann enjoys sailing, camping, SCA events, and any hands-on building project.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Upcoming Events
As usual, I haven't 'caught up' on my writings here, but as life continues on, I'll jump back and forth narrative-wise from time to time. So, in that spirit, here's where I find myself this week;
We're preparing to have a houseguest for part of next week and that's leading to some complicated scheduling.
BESS is going to be doing a Wed night educational meeting on S/switches-S/switching, naturally the one week I may or may not be able to make it! (It's not their fault.) Still, I may try to set Wed. evening aside and go by myself or some such. We'll have to wait and see.
Saturday the 20th Black Rose is going to do a "History of Black Rose" workshop at the Crucible and I'm very interested in trying to make that.
And finally, the other major news is that Sir and I have spoken at length and finally decided (not made any reservations or anything yet, merely decided so far) to attend Black Rose XX in DC.
(The last two items on this 'laundry list' deserve a post all their own, but that will have to wait for another day.)
In short, it's the kinky busy season!
We're preparing to have a houseguest for part of next week and that's leading to some complicated scheduling.
BESS is going to be doing a Wed night educational meeting on S/switches-S/switching, naturally the one week I may or may not be able to make it! (It's not their fault.) Still, I may try to set Wed. evening aside and go by myself or some such. We'll have to wait and see.
Saturday the 20th Black Rose is going to do a "History of Black Rose" workshop at the Crucible and I'm very interested in trying to make that.
And finally, the other major news is that Sir and I have spoken at length and finally decided (not made any reservations or anything yet, merely decided so far) to attend Black Rose XX in DC.
(The last two items on this 'laundry list' deserve a post all their own, but that will have to wait for another day.)
In short, it's the kinky busy season!
Saturday, September 29, 2007
with Midori last weekend- ropes
Obviously there's a lot to write, I'm going to try to keep this relatively short, actually.
Sir and I spent last weekend in Philadelphia going to classes with Midori thanks to Passional. Much as we would have liked to make the first workshop (blowjobs) traffic made that a pipe dream. So we enjoyed an nice dinner of wonderful Cajun food instead. Afterwards, we drove into Philly, settled into our hotel, unpacked read our mail, took a quick shower, and relaxed. All in all, a far more civilized start to the weekend than rushing around would have been. Later, we settled into bed together, talked for awhile, and then one thing led to another. Suffice it to say, Sir got me into one hell of a head space, and I slept really well.
Unfortunately, we almost slept too well, and ran a little late the next morning. Everything would have been fine, had we either done room service or not had to try two different restaurants before finally getting breakfast (the first was an ugly mob scene), but in the end breakfast was a nice dinner where I could bang my coffee cup happily enough.
Since we had not done workshops at Passional before it took a little 'pulling it together' to deal with parking (hint, the nearby lot, while expensive is the best bet) and then realize the workshop was not actually at the shop, but several doors down the street where they will soon be opening a second location. But in the end we got in before the workshop began with enough time left over to catch our breath. We were certainly not the last of the stragglers to make it in, and unlike some folks, we at least had to good sense enough to turn off our cell phones before the workshop began (oh pet peeve!)
So Saturday was rope day- two rope workshops, one on basic rope bondage, the other on body harnesses. The first was a good overview and the rope scene Midori did as instruction for our deconstruction was in a word, HOT. An ongoing theme throughout the weekend would turn out to be how much those participating in the instructional scenes seemed to enjoy the idea of being tied up or flogged by Midori herself. No doubt a certain amount of author/superstardom enters into it- at least for the audience members.
Midori herself happily identifies as somewhat of a "big dork" who is somewhat awestruck that this is her actual life. I can completely understand that. But both self identification and audience perceptions aside, Midori is an educator and has a wonderful sense of humour.
In any case, the first workshop in many ways was very much review for me, although I was interested in how she taught it, and how it would provide the basis for her second workshop.
Personally, I found Lee (Brigit) Harrington's rope bondage for sex at Ohio Leather Fest a little over a year ago a bit more practical for what I do.
That said, the second workshop, body harnesses, was probably the most useful part of the weekend for me. I'm a very visual learner and someone who enjoys learning by doing, so while rope books can teach me some things, it's more constructive for me to actually be in a hands on workshop space like that.
The other rather amusing bit (in both rope workshops, actually) was that we divided the audience into partner A and partner B, first partner A worked along with Midori showing the tie, then partner B got to follow along and also do the same. What this meant in practice was that first Sir tied me up and then I got to tie him up- something I'd barely ever done before.
Doing a full body harness on him was kind of interesting, not only from the power dynamic stance, but also in that even when I'm the dominant partner, I don't tie men up. (Not my thing). So naturally one has to adjust their ropes to the topography of their intended victim, errrr model. It made for an interesting, but ultimately confirmed for me, I'm not into being dominant with men. The very being with Sir in the first place, while not a complete fluke, is not my primary personal identification.
Body harnesses, though, are great fun. (And yes, when done right, they can look all 'domly' too, don't get me wrong!)
I once wore a lovely Hishi Karada (diamond pattern [rope] body [harness]) at a party after playing 'demo model'. This may not sound all that special, but at the time, the technique wasn't all over the place, it wasn't in easily accessed books, it wasn't as nearby at the net, there was no shibaricon, and simply put, it was something completely different, and it felt incredible. I was very honoured. At the time, here on the east coast, these techniques were in the hands of people who had learned them (sometimes out on the west coast, sometimes in other parties, etc) and they in turn taught them to other friends in spaces like private parties. Looking back, I'm realizing what a different time that was, and how special it was to actually have been running around that party back then in that harness.
It was also one of my first brushes with people at a party paying attention to me not for me as myself, but to me as an example of an artist's technique. Under normal circumstances, I'm not a party attention slut, but I don't mind that kind of attention at all- that being a living work of someone else's artistry.
So working through some of the harnesses, and some of the harnesses in Midori's book ("The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage") was very helpful. The illustrations came to life under my own fingers and ropes, and the end result (yes even on Sir!) was very gratifying.
I've decided to actually break apart the weekend into several posts, but I will add on last thing here on the "ropes" post. I'd been really interested in looking into Midori's 'Rope Dojo' (http://www.ropedojo.com/) despite the expense. (I understand it, I just don't know if I personally am willing.) So I thought these two rope workshops with her this weekend would be sort of a nice getting my feel wet. I'd see what I thought of her as an instructor, see whether or not I was enjoying the rope workshops, and whether or not I'd like to try to align my schedule and travel to someday spend a weekend doing the Dojo. If anything, I was a little disappointed I was missing her NY Dojo this Fall.
Well, it now having been a week since our Philly workshops, I'm very seriously considering the Dojo, and there's a very real possibility that one is coming to our area soon- knock wood.
I've also told Sir to pencil in Shibaricon in Chicago next year. It would make a nice birthday present- and we have many other reasons to get to Chicago, not the least of which being the Leather Archives and Museum.
Sir and I spent last weekend in Philadelphia going to classes with Midori thanks to Passional. Much as we would have liked to make the first workshop (blowjobs) traffic made that a pipe dream. So we enjoyed an nice dinner of wonderful Cajun food instead. Afterwards, we drove into Philly, settled into our hotel, unpacked read our mail, took a quick shower, and relaxed. All in all, a far more civilized start to the weekend than rushing around would have been. Later, we settled into bed together, talked for awhile, and then one thing led to another. Suffice it to say, Sir got me into one hell of a head space, and I slept really well.
Unfortunately, we almost slept too well, and ran a little late the next morning. Everything would have been fine, had we either done room service or not had to try two different restaurants before finally getting breakfast (the first was an ugly mob scene), but in the end breakfast was a nice dinner where I could bang my coffee cup happily enough.
Since we had not done workshops at Passional before it took a little 'pulling it together' to deal with parking (hint, the nearby lot, while expensive is the best bet) and then realize the workshop was not actually at the shop, but several doors down the street where they will soon be opening a second location. But in the end we got in before the workshop began with enough time left over to catch our breath. We were certainly not the last of the stragglers to make it in, and unlike some folks, we at least had to good sense enough to turn off our cell phones before the workshop began (oh pet peeve!)
So Saturday was rope day- two rope workshops, one on basic rope bondage, the other on body harnesses. The first was a good overview and the rope scene Midori did as instruction for our deconstruction was in a word, HOT. An ongoing theme throughout the weekend would turn out to be how much those participating in the instructional scenes seemed to enjoy the idea of being tied up or flogged by Midori herself. No doubt a certain amount of author/superstardom enters into it- at least for the audience members.
Midori herself happily identifies as somewhat of a "big dork" who is somewhat awestruck that this is her actual life. I can completely understand that. But both self identification and audience perceptions aside, Midori is an educator and has a wonderful sense of humour.
In any case, the first workshop in many ways was very much review for me, although I was interested in how she taught it, and how it would provide the basis for her second workshop.
Personally, I found Lee (Brigit) Harrington's rope bondage for sex at Ohio Leather Fest a little over a year ago a bit more practical for what I do.
That said, the second workshop, body harnesses, was probably the most useful part of the weekend for me. I'm a very visual learner and someone who enjoys learning by doing, so while rope books can teach me some things, it's more constructive for me to actually be in a hands on workshop space like that.
The other rather amusing bit (in both rope workshops, actually) was that we divided the audience into partner A and partner B, first partner A worked along with Midori showing the tie, then partner B got to follow along and also do the same. What this meant in practice was that first Sir tied me up and then I got to tie him up- something I'd barely ever done before.
Doing a full body harness on him was kind of interesting, not only from the power dynamic stance, but also in that even when I'm the dominant partner, I don't tie men up. (Not my thing). So naturally one has to adjust their ropes to the topography of their intended victim, errrr model. It made for an interesting, but ultimately confirmed for me, I'm not into being dominant with men. The very being with Sir in the first place, while not a complete fluke, is not my primary personal identification.
Body harnesses, though, are great fun. (And yes, when done right, they can look all 'domly' too, don't get me wrong!)
I once wore a lovely Hishi Karada (diamond pattern [rope] body [harness]) at a party after playing 'demo model'. This may not sound all that special, but at the time, the technique wasn't all over the place, it wasn't in easily accessed books, it wasn't as nearby at the net, there was no shibaricon, and simply put, it was something completely different, and it felt incredible. I was very honoured. At the time, here on the east coast, these techniques were in the hands of people who had learned them (sometimes out on the west coast, sometimes in other parties, etc) and they in turn taught them to other friends in spaces like private parties. Looking back, I'm realizing what a different time that was, and how special it was to actually have been running around that party back then in that harness.
It was also one of my first brushes with people at a party paying attention to me not for me as myself, but to me as an example of an artist's technique. Under normal circumstances, I'm not a party attention slut, but I don't mind that kind of attention at all- that being a living work of someone else's artistry.
So working through some of the harnesses, and some of the harnesses in Midori's book ("The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage") was very helpful. The illustrations came to life under my own fingers and ropes, and the end result (yes even on Sir!) was very gratifying.
I've decided to actually break apart the weekend into several posts, but I will add on last thing here on the "ropes" post. I'd been really interested in looking into Midori's 'Rope Dojo' (http://www.ropedojo.com/) despite the expense. (I understand it, I just don't know if I personally am willing.) So I thought these two rope workshops with her this weekend would be sort of a nice getting my feel wet. I'd see what I thought of her as an instructor, see whether or not I was enjoying the rope workshops, and whether or not I'd like to try to align my schedule and travel to someday spend a weekend doing the Dojo. If anything, I was a little disappointed I was missing her NY Dojo this Fall.
Well, it now having been a week since our Philly workshops, I'm very seriously considering the Dojo, and there's a very real possibility that one is coming to our area soon- knock wood.
I've also told Sir to pencil in Shibaricon in Chicago next year. It would make a nice birthday present- and we have many other reasons to get to Chicago, not the least of which being the Leather Archives and Museum.
Friday, September 21, 2007
BESS - Knifeplay 201
Wednesday night Sir and I finally made it to a BESS (Baltimore Educational and Social Society) meeting and munch afterwards. They had a large turn out, apparently due to the topic- Knifeplay 2o1. Lots of pretty sharpee pointee things that go 'skrit' or 'chitink' in the night. Nice.
Turns out it was Sas's first workshop presentation. I thought he did a really good job, showing both humour and genuine love of the subject at hand. When someone speaks from the heart, it shows, and it was clear that despite the nervousness he claimed, he not only knew his material, but the trust between him and with womyn (plural) he did the demo with, as well as his genuine love of the subject was obvious.
As for BESS itself, we'd been meaning to take a look for quite some time now, but our schedules hadn't cooperated. It was a very comfortable and familiaresque crowd- depsite us not knowing anyone. The kind of folks who one is apt to see at Ren Faires, or any given (Sci-Fi) con, and all very Balwmer-hon (said with the affection one can only fathom having once lived in Baltimore myself.)
While it seems a bit odd to find the bimonthly educational gathering meeting in a rented hotel room (a la Black Rose down in DC, but a very different class of hotel), it did not seem unnatural, just different. Maybe it's because the idea of teaching knifework and bloodplay under the florescent lights of a suburban hotel is somehow completely at odds with the normal settings for such things- then again, it certainly makes seeing the cuts much easier.
While we did not join BESS, we did decide to come back when another topic catches our fancy and perhaps go through their little orientation session then. We overheard someone else getting the kind of overview/welcome orientation. Nothing a good read over the website wasn't going to tell you, really. So for the moment, anyway, we came to neither a yes or a no, just a hmmmm, well perhaps at some future date.
Afterwards, a caravan of cars made its way over to a local Pizza joint (oh so very Maryland) and took over one long table stretching from one end of the restaurant to the other. While not exactly conducive to in depth conversations, it certainly led to amusing jumbles of half heard bits and pieces of conversations that wove together into a tapestry- the quiet hum of happy folks out for an evening with friends.
After the evening ended and we returned home, we talked a lot about community and isolation. Somewhere, in the pre-dawn hours, this led to very, very late night sex.
Turns out it was Sas's first workshop presentation. I thought he did a really good job, showing both humour and genuine love of the subject at hand. When someone speaks from the heart, it shows, and it was clear that despite the nervousness he claimed, he not only knew his material, but the trust between him and with womyn (plural) he did the demo with, as well as his genuine love of the subject was obvious.
As for BESS itself, we'd been meaning to take a look for quite some time now, but our schedules hadn't cooperated. It was a very comfortable and familiaresque crowd- depsite us not knowing anyone. The kind of folks who one is apt to see at Ren Faires, or any given (Sci-Fi) con, and all very Balwmer-hon (said with the affection one can only fathom having once lived in Baltimore myself.)
While it seems a bit odd to find the bimonthly educational gathering meeting in a rented hotel room (a la Black Rose down in DC, but a very different class of hotel), it did not seem unnatural, just different. Maybe it's because the idea of teaching knifework and bloodplay under the florescent lights of a suburban hotel is somehow completely at odds with the normal settings for such things- then again, it certainly makes seeing the cuts much easier.
While we did not join BESS, we did decide to come back when another topic catches our fancy and perhaps go through their little orientation session then. We overheard someone else getting the kind of overview/welcome orientation. Nothing a good read over the website wasn't going to tell you, really. So for the moment, anyway, we came to neither a yes or a no, just a hmmmm, well perhaps at some future date.
Afterwards, a caravan of cars made its way over to a local Pizza joint (oh so very Maryland) and took over one long table stretching from one end of the restaurant to the other. While not exactly conducive to in depth conversations, it certainly led to amusing jumbles of half heard bits and pieces of conversations that wove together into a tapestry- the quiet hum of happy folks out for an evening with friends.
After the evening ended and we returned home, we talked a lot about community and isolation. Somewhere, in the pre-dawn hours, this led to very, very late night sex.
Monday, September 17, 2007
A weekend with Midori
After much procrastination and indecision, Sir and I have decided to go to Philadelphia next weekend for a weekend's worth of four workshops Passional is presenting with Midori (there was a discount to attend the full weekend, so we decided what the hell). As to whether they'll be basic 101 'refresher courses' for us, or actually cover some new territory remains to be seen, but I usually tend to pick up at least a few new details no matter how many times I've seen similar material as each presenter tends to have a few bits and pieces unique to the way they teach.
In any case, the details-
* Sept 21, 7-9PM JoyStick Secrets: How To Please Your Man
Learn how to make him moan and writhe in unbelievable pleasure. Join internationally-acclaimed sex educator Midori for this in-depth training on orally pleasuring your guy. Using delicious practice props (think fruit!) you¹ll learn all about the sucks, licks, swirls, strokes and touch secrets that will blow his mind. She¹ll even cover tips on how to reduce discomforts or gag reflexes. What better gift is there than to show him your new techniques that very night?
* Saturday Sept 22, 1-3PM Hands-On Rope Bondage
Rope bondage can be simple, elegant, effective and sensual, but if you don't know how to do it right, it can be dangerous. Midori will teach you how to use this versatile bondage tool to maximize fun and minimize risks. Learn basic techniques including two-column restraint, body harnesses and creative positions. Midori is the author of The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage, and is an expert in safe and effective Japanese inspired rope bondage. Wear comfortable clothing and bring a minimum of 2 lengths of 15 feet and 2 of 25 feet of rope.
*Saturday Sept 22, 4-6PM Hands-on Rope Body Harness
Body harnesses are fantastic for creating beautiful, effective, and sexy bondage for all types of bodies and many different sorts of scenes. You can use a harness for very secure rigging. Or you can make a pretty rope outfit. Create intense harnesses for pain sluts. How about sensual breast bondage? Midori will show you at least 6 different varieties of body harnesses. You can choose the ones you want to practice with attentive supervision from Midori. Dress & Supplies: Wear comfortable clothing that allows freedom of movement. Bring a large towel or yoga mat if you¹d like to use the floor. And, of course, bring rope - the more, the merrier! (Suggested minimum: 3 or 4 pieces of 30 to 35 foot lengths, one piece of 50 to 75 foot length. If the rope is for a smaller person, bring the shorter lengths. For a larger person, bring the longer lengths.)
* Class_Sept. 23 1-3PM:The Sensual Whip: A Hands-on Workshop
Ah the flogger. It's often what comes to mind when we think of kinky sex, but picking one out and learning to use it can be quite a challenge. If you'd like to learn the skills of using floggers and get some tips on finding one that works for you, come join Midori for a hands-on evening full of useful tips. You'll learn how to find the toys that will create the sensations that you want and that will work for your body, as well as how to use them to deliver powerful sensations without fatigue. If you have a flogger, please bring it. Midori will bring plenty to try out so you can experiment with different types. Exercises will focus on motion and techniques. Think ³air flogging² and fun games to improve precision!
Addendum- Here's an article in Passional Magazine about this weekend with an interview
In any case, the details-
* Sept 21, 7-9PM JoyStick Secrets: How To Please Your Man
Learn how to make him moan and writhe in unbelievable pleasure. Join internationally-acclaimed sex educator Midori for this in-depth training on orally pleasuring your guy. Using delicious practice props (think fruit!) you¹ll learn all about the sucks, licks, swirls, strokes and touch secrets that will blow his mind. She¹ll even cover tips on how to reduce discomforts or gag reflexes. What better gift is there than to show him your new techniques that very night?
* Saturday Sept 22, 1-3PM Hands-On Rope Bondage
Rope bondage can be simple, elegant, effective and sensual, but if you don't know how to do it right, it can be dangerous. Midori will teach you how to use this versatile bondage tool to maximize fun and minimize risks. Learn basic techniques including two-column restraint, body harnesses and creative positions. Midori is the author of The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage, and is an expert in safe and effective Japanese inspired rope bondage. Wear comfortable clothing and bring a minimum of 2 lengths of 15 feet and 2 of 25 feet of rope.
*Saturday Sept 22, 4-6PM Hands-on Rope Body Harness
Body harnesses are fantastic for creating beautiful, effective, and sexy bondage for all types of bodies and many different sorts of scenes. You can use a harness for very secure rigging. Or you can make a pretty rope outfit. Create intense harnesses for pain sluts. How about sensual breast bondage? Midori will show you at least 6 different varieties of body harnesses. You can choose the ones you want to practice with attentive supervision from Midori. Dress & Supplies: Wear comfortable clothing that allows freedom of movement. Bring a large towel or yoga mat if you¹d like to use the floor. And, of course, bring rope - the more, the merrier! (Suggested minimum: 3 or 4 pieces of 30 to 35 foot lengths, one piece of 50 to 75 foot length. If the rope is for a smaller person, bring the shorter lengths. For a larger person, bring the longer lengths.)
* Class_Sept. 23 1-3PM:The Sensual Whip: A Hands-on Workshop
Ah the flogger. It's often what comes to mind when we think of kinky sex, but picking one out and learning to use it can be quite a challenge. If you'd like to learn the skills of using floggers and get some tips on finding one that works for you, come join Midori for a hands-on evening full of useful tips. You'll learn how to find the toys that will create the sensations that you want and that will work for your body, as well as how to use them to deliver powerful sensations without fatigue. If you have a flogger, please bring it. Midori will bring plenty to try out so you can experiment with different types. Exercises will focus on motion and techniques. Think ³air flogging² and fun games to improve precision!
Addendum- Here's an article in Passional Magazine about this weekend with an interview
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