My Raincheck

So, by way of 'making up for' not getting the whips out over the course of a recent event, Sir had more or less given me a 'raincheck'. Which is what we finally got around to the other morning.

Sir was up early in the morning, and after I came down he eventually headed upstairs to shower saying maybe we could get around to something thereafter. I waited downstairs and went about my morning, not sure whether to expect anything or not. Eventually he called down and told me I was to come up to him.

I came to the big bedroom (which is also sort of our 'Work' room) to find him standing inside dressed all in black with a wicked grin on his face. (Eventually, I may get to a post about the room we primarily use, but for now, it will suffice to say it's "His" room, our bedroom, and clearly his domain. I have rooms of my own as well, although they are such at his pleasure.)

I stood outside the door and undressed (as it's the room I don't wear clothing in without explicit permission, one of our few rules) then by his permission, entered.

At the foot of the bed, there's a soft black bench with low arms at each end and lots of pillows; soft golden chenille and others with a shadowed black ornate floral orchid pattern. On days such as this, it is pulled out from the end of the bed, the pillows set aside, and the bench is then covered with a soft black sheet. It's just long enough for me to lie across comfortably, my head resting on one of the arms. Four black leather straps encircled each of the bench's legs, then come up towards the left and right raised ends. Across each end, Sir had attached two of the highly polished chrome spreader bars, each the width of the bench. On the bed laid several of my favourite whips, and the four black padded leather cuffs. Without saying a word, I knew what laid in store.

He told me to come around to the bed. Then lovingly, he buckled each cuff onto my limbs, first my wrists then my ankles. He crossed the room to the toolbox compartment organizers and pulled out four of the small nickel plated padlocks, then returned to me and proceeded to lock the cuffs onto me. This little 'ritual' of sorts in and of itself is enough to get me into a mindset.

(Soft black leather and shiny polished steel is very much our aesthetic. Metal and leather. Although somewhat ironically, I have no interest in many of the metal cuffs or collars we so often see. I suppose you could say we're both rather selective about our tools.)

He kisses me, and leads me across the bench, face down. Limb by limb, he clips the cuffs onto the spreader bars leaving me unable to escape, and a ready target. He ensures I'm comfortable, then disappears over towards the rack where we keep our whips hung. I'm not blindfolded, but I'm not sure I want to know, just yet, either. So I turn my head and close my eyes, giving over to him, and what he wants.

Anyone who has ever been sensually whipped can readily identify the two primary different sensations, 'thud' and 'sting'. For me, when I'm under Sir's whips, these two have two completely different effects. 'Thuddy' makes me sink, deep into a place where I've very inarticulate, but very pliant, and welcoming suggestion. 'Stingy' on the other hand, tries to lift me off of whatever I'm securely attached to, and leaves me fighting myself, begging for it to stop, and sometimes crying. (This does NOT however mean I actually want it to stop.) Each of these are their own head (and body) trip. It takes someone with a particular sense of timing and ability to 'read' me to combine them both over the course of a brief period. Neither of these are things I entrust to people I don't know well, as both leave me very emotionally raw.

Sir is one of the few people I know who can make me change gears as it were, between the two, and still leave me in a state where I actually enjoy it. Unfortunately, it's not something I find I can do often, and it takes both of us being in a particular state of mind and comfort to actually pull it off.

In any case, without telling me that was what he was about to do, that was the state he worked me into. Working from whips that can, when used a particular way feel more akin to a good massage, on to whips that once I'm warmed up, yes I can take, even though it's a most peculiar kind of enjoyment.

Back at the Floating World, we had found a flogger made of the satin cord it seems every kinky person has worked with or made something out of at some point. Just ordinary fabric store cord carefully woven into a nicely formed handle that felt good in my hand with a bazillion purple satiny tresses. The reason it came home, though, was that each of the tips had been carefully dipped repeatedly in 'tool dip', the rubber coating for tool handles. The balance was nice, and I knew instantly that those tails would sting horribly.

Well, I was right. And THAT will teach me to pick up a tool, having it in mind for use with perhaps a pretty girl somewhere in my future. I should know better. And I should know that just as I was always taught, before you use a tool on someone else, you should have it used upon yourself, so you know, down in your bones what it's capable of. While ultimately, of course I'm fine with all of that, it being the way things are done, and it is simply to be expected, I did not however expect this particular tool this particular morning.

Which led to many cries of "I hate that whip!... Don't stop."

By the time my morning's ordeal was 'over', I was very 'floaty'. Sir released me from my bonds at the bench and let me lay across the bed. We spoke briefly, and then he very matter of factly went over to the small table in the corner and returned with several sets of adjustable clamps with which he heightened my neediness beyond excruciating.

Then he removed them, and left me unfulfilled. He allowed me the cuffs for the rest of the day (actually, I slept in them that night only taking them off the next morning.)

The lovely anguish that is being left afterwards is not something I would normally enjoy. But with him, after this in particular, it was wonderful, feeling that ache combined with the soreness from the whips earlier, it left me constantly aware of HIM as I drifted through the next day or so. It's that awareness, that feeling of being owned, posessed, taken somewhere I rarely go with anyone with trust at the core of it that I treasure above all else.

Hallows

I'll get towards writing about this morning later, but for the moment, just a brief post about Hallows.

Being a Witch (that's another blog!) I find myself furnished a number of preexisting excuses, if you will, for Sir and I to have sex. This often gets expressed something along the lines of "it's a pagan holiday! We should fuck!" Which is only all the more amusing when he brings it up, (Sir, not being a Witch.)

All of which tends to harken back to a wonderful Beltane spent one year with Sir and 'my' girl, this being many years back.

So, it's Hallows and Sir comes downstairs, somewhat annoyed that I wasn't upstairs seeing as to how he wanted me, right then and there. This is a good thing. Spontaneity makes me happy.

But I waver for a moment, and in an extraordinarily rare bit of 'giving him lip', I make it clear I'm busy. (This is deeply out of character for me, I don't do "brat" play.) This of course, cannot stand. (Yes, if my 'not now' were a real 'no' of course he'd respect that, but this is clearly me being 'playful' and we both know it.)

And so he has me stop whatever it was I was doing at the time, kneel on the big black leather couch, and he takes me, roughly.

And I'm happy.

This has everything to do with the dynamic between us. Any real 'not now' would have been clarified, and we would have gone on about our day, getting to sex at a later point.

But knowing one another as we do, we both know I'm 'asking for it' in my own rare way (usually I'd never DREAM of giving him shit!) and what comes next, no matter how much some might mistake it for vanilla what, with the lack of tools and all, is anything but, because we're both working with power, and his Dominance, and my risking, and that's where so much of the magick of the dance is for us. (That, and the smell and touch of leather as I'm being taken from behind never hurts. I am after all, far too much of a fetishist for it to be otherwise.)

Just a page that seemed worth sharing

Not a whole lot to say this morning, but I wanted to share one of the pages I've been recently daydreaming over and slowly wandering through. The Long Island Staylace Association (LISA)'s many galleries worth of corset imagery.

Plenty of old cabinet cards, advertising, drawings and paintings on through to celebrity, latex, and a variety of modern corsets. Perhaps what I find most enjoyable though, is the gallery entitled "Not So Famous Tightlacers from the Past" as it contains perfectly ordinary people, relatives and unknowns captured by the lens at a moment in time.

I find I enjoy the 'back in the day' imagery far more than most of the modern creations. I suppose it has to do with seeing a thing in its 'natural' context.

Some of that "relationship maintainence" which seems as second nature to us

So last night, much as I intended to make the Black Rose history panel, it wasn't to be. I was disappointed, but there was just no way it was going to happen. Apparently there may be a BR history workshop over the course of BRXX, so I'll keep my fingers crossed and hope to see something there. In the end, it was just as well we didn't go, as last night was something I would not have missed.

We spent the evening 'in', and this led to a rather intense discussion about some of where we're going with all this, some of what this 're-entry' into corners of 'the scene' is meaning for us, and a great deal of discussion about what we both want, and how to make it all work with our real day to day life. (By "intense" I do not mean 'heated', I mean very 'raw', very 'close to the bone', very 'real'.)

These are very real issues for us, for while we are both long term people in (and out of) 'the scene', (15 and 20 years, actually), we come at it from very different places with what are at times somewhat different expectations.

It's been very odd to come to groups ten years later, and see the occasional familiar face, only to realize that in ten years, they haven't changed a bit (and that's not necessarily a good thing). We, on the other hand, have changed a great deal. So it can be very jarring at times.

Most importantly, though, I think we've both pretty clear on the fact that while we may wander through 'the scene' in certain times and ways, the heart of who we are and what we do is very much something we live out here at home/with each other. Unlike so many people, who are only able to do these things, or wear these things, or be who they feel they are when they step out of their private spaces and daily lives and into 'scene' spaces, Sir and I actually live out our 'leather lifestyle' in the day to day. It's a luxury, and we understand how rare that is compared to many other people.

Nor do we compartmentalize our 'leather lives' away into something done in 'scene spaces' or events. There is no 'stepping out of role' for us, because our 'roles' are not 'roles' they are who we are. This is part of why terms like 'scening' have never worked for me, it's not something I relegate to Fridays between 7pm and 1am, or 'at clubs', or anything like that. No doubt some would then turn to us and say, oh no biggie, you 24/7. Which, while I suppose can be one way of putting it, is not how we see it. We simply are who we are. I may not use the word "Sir"except by accident when some friends or family is present, but that's out of respect for them and their comfort, not out of hiding anything. Most of my close friends know this simple fact of our relationship anyways, so hearing the occasional "Sir" to them is merely an acknowledgement of the realities of our lives.

In any case, so we sat and spoke at length last night, if only to be sure we are both on the same page coming off some of the experiences we're having and in relation to the direction(s) we both want to head.

Some people set aside one night a week to have these kinds of 'relationship' talks, for us though, it is nothing so formal. We just sometimes have an evening when we both have time and want to touch base with one another, and so we spend a few hours talking about the framework we're building together, and how we're relating to some of the shared experiences we're having.

Not surprisingly, afterwards, I went upstairs, got several tools together and Sir followed me up not long thereafter. No, this did not lead to a long hard night of whipping, nor of rough sex. Instead, it lead to being held tightly, and forced to cum repeatedly in his arms, slowly loosing control to whispered threats and promises of training/what will be done to me, soon enough.

I am exactly where I want to be.

BESS- "Switch, no longer a dirty word"

So Sir and I attended Wednesday night's BESS (Baltimore Educational and Social Society) educational meeting. This week, they focused on S/switches- which despite being one myself, I despise the terminology for as it implies a binary 'on/off' dichotomy, rather than the more realistic multitude of realities that many of us live within. While I continue to search for better terminology, I tend to write the word in such as way as to imply a both/and at the same moment, "S/switch" in my own writings.

Unfortunately, false binaries plagued the presentation itself, leading to vast oversimplifications. And while the presenters acknowledged they were engaging in such, they marched boldly onward anyway- relying upon a straight line continuum betwixt 'Top/Master/etc- which jokingly got referred to as 'the dark side' and 'bottom/slave/etc' which in turn became 'the light side'. While such may work for duct tape, it rarely works for human relationships.

In any case, in very Kinsey scale fashion, there was much discussion on how most folks fall somewhere in the middle- and hence the discussion of 'switches' began.

I on the other hand, reject the false binary and instead see far more of a 50's stylized 'starburst' design (see Ace Jackalope's "Sputversary" for the definitive photo essay and description of objects similar to what I'm describing), a three dimensional object, with many continuums intersecting at various center points, although in my model the 'center points' along each line may not be even, thus creating many unequal arms.

Further, being bi, and poly, I may have one starburst for what I seek in one partner, or one partner of a particular gender, and another completely separate starburst for another partner, perhaps of another gender.

As for the lines/continuums piercing the center ball, they can be any number of things;

perhaps a pain related continuum- Sadist/masochist
an ownership related continuum- Master/slave
a gender portrayal continuum- Butch/femme
more or less a 'who leads' continuum- Dominant/submissive
a service continuum- Served/Serving
The Kinsey Queer related continuum- homo/het
Etc. Without doubt, there are many, many more.

The fact of the matter is that most of us in describing ourselves, and most of our partners or desired partners fall somewhere in the middle of each of these continuums. So we end up with starbusts, not straight lines when trying to accurately portray the realities of our real lives. And those points along each of those lines may change through time, from relationship to relationship, and partner to partner- even under one roof.

Three other quick notes, there was a strange emphasis on S/switches 'switching' in relation to "moods". For me, "mood" has nothing to do with it- the relationship to the partner determines the parameters, although when I have been in a relationship with another 'switch' while we may have partially changed roles though the course of years, we 'trended' towards one dynamic or another over the course of time, not nightly or hour to hour.

Secondly, while some may relate to "Poly, Bi, Switch" (PBS) as "greedy", I relate to it more as "PBS- and no that doesn't mean I'll sleep with you." Both Sir and I are highly selective about our partners.

And finally, remarkably, it took most of the workshop before it was finally mentioned that the way these things USED to be done was that Masters began as slaves. This was not 'switch' so much as it was earning the eventual right to call oneself "Master" it was about learning skills and earning leathers- a process most of today's Masters bypass entirely. But that 'starting at the bottom' had a great deal of value, among other things it taught a root of empathy with the things one was going to put their own slaves/bottoms/etc through.

It seems to me, "empathy" is the key word in relation to the S/switch experience. How one holds workshops without focusing upon that aspect leaves me wondering if it is perhaps so obvious as to be invisible, thus remains unidentified.

I was taught you never use a tool on someone else that had not first been used on you- and that had to do with having an intimate understanding of what the tool was capable of, what sensations it produced, and what kinds of potential reactions to expect. It had to do with earning the right to use that tool on another.

In these days of 'instant (true!) Master- just add internet!" such a process is unimaginable. Mere mention of such would be met with blank stares.

No, I'm not demanding all today's "Masters" begin at the bottom and work their way through. Some already have an innate empathy which seems to allow them to bypass the process and not be the worse for it, others, on the other hand, could use to first hand experience. It might help them understand that just because a work of fiction kept a girl naked and on her knees for 10 hour stretches, real girl's real knees aren't likely to enjoy that.

So, for my own reference, the calendar listing for the event.

October, 17th
Topic: Switch, no longer a dirty world..
With: Griffin and ann goodpet

– Being yourself in a world that loves labels and titles. This discussion will cover the way the lifestyle view switches, the different type of switches and switching, and how to maintain relationships when one or more partners are switches. Also will covered will be types of scenes that are often avoided by non-switching Tops but are, oh, so much fun. Griffin identifies as a Master who bottoms. His slave ann is a bottom who has been known to do some service Topping.

Griffin: Griffin, has been active in the lifestyle and the DC area scene for over 10 years. He is an active pony player (watch for Him in the documentary Born in a Barn), kidnapper, presenter, and all around scene player. Griffin enjoys rough play, takedowns, and wrestling along with the lighter sensuous scenes. Although well versed in a variety of tools of the trade, and different play styles, He is often seen doing intense physical scenes without any of the traditional toy use, only using His own body as His tools. Playing on the edge, Griffin follows RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink). Griffin is an alumni of the Master Taino’s Masters Academy and a member of Black Rose and on staff at Crucible. When not at an event He can be found sailing, working on His experimental Gyro-plane, or practicing sword fighting for the SCA tournaments. He currently lives in District Heights, MD with His dog Mandy, His partner and slavemate, ann, and salve lorrie, the newest member of the Griffin Household. Griffin’s home, fondly referred to as Castle Griffin, is a service/teaching household and host several lifestyle events throughout the year, including slave retreats, formal Master Dinners, play parties, and SIGs.

Ann Goodpet: Ann Goodpet identifies as a service submissive and slavemate to Griffin and has been active in the lifestyle for over 7 years. She is has been an active member, service provider, presenter and scene player in several groups in SC, NC, and the DC area. She is a member of Black Rose and staff at the Crucible. She lives in District Heights, MD with her partner and Master, Captain Griffin, His dog Mandy and slave lorrie, the newest member of the family.. ann enjoys the M/s lifestyle and is often doing service for groups, leather families, events, and individuals, always under the approval and guidance of her Master. ann is an alumni of Master Taino’s slave Academy. In addition to lifestyle activities and event, ann enjoys sailing, camping, SCA events, and any hands-on building project.

Registered for Black Rose XX today

No huge news here, just the fact that we finally got around to registering and setting up our hotel arrangements.

I find myself having the same sort of reaction I often have in relation to Black Rose, their website, the way they relate to the broader community, etc- somewhat annoyed, and somewhat in need of a shower afterwards. (I know, not the nicest thing to say, but that is the way I end up feeling, no matter how hard or often I try to 'give it a chance'). And no, for the most part, I can't go into specifics here because some of what I'm reacting to is related to 'attendees only' aspects of the event site. In the end, it comes down to understanding some of BR's history, and having an honest disagreement with the way they do certain things.

So why are we going then? Suffice it to say, we knew, long before we decided to go, that this was in some ways sure, fun and learning, and workshops and presenters, and people and all the rest, but also part sociology, and looking at the subculture that BR has created in its corner of the Kinky universe (AND spreads beyond their own group). I suppose part of the reason we decided to go was that we felt it important to see with our own eyes.

While we will go for our own reasons, (as always when we go to any event), I feel it's important to go, and look, and listen, if for no other reason than to look closely at some of the ways in which BR influences other groups, nationally, concerning things such as 'standardization' of dungeon monitor trainings, Leather Leadership Conferences, and educational interface with non-kinky people, (police, etc.).

In the end we decided not to sign up for some of the add on special events, such as the "20th anniversary formal banquet"or other things such as the "Victorian Tea". Much as I do enjoy proper service, I'd be far more interested in a full Japanese Tea Ceremony. But that will have to wait until Shibaricon.

So all that said, while this blog is by no means private, I haven't entered it under my profile for BR either.

Sir actually has his 'party card' from a billion years ago. This being their 20th anniversary, no doubt quite a few old faces may come out of the woodwork with ancient party cards to match- or not.

Upcoming Events

As usual, I haven't 'caught up' on my writings here, but as life continues on, I'll jump back and forth narrative-wise from time to time. So, in that spirit, here's where I find myself this week;

We're preparing to have a houseguest for part of next week and that's leading to some complicated scheduling.

BESS is going to be doing a Wed night educational meeting on S/switches-S/switching, naturally the one week I may or may not be able to make it! (It's not their fault.) Still, I may try to set Wed. evening aside and go by myself or some such. We'll have to wait and see.

Saturday the 20th Black Rose is going to do a "History of Black Rose" workshop at the Crucible and I'm very interested in trying to make that.

And finally, the other major news is that Sir and I have spoken at length and finally decided (not made any reservations or anything yet, merely decided so far) to attend Black Rose XX in DC.

(The last two items on this 'laundry list' deserve a post all their own, but that will have to wait for another day.)

In short, it's the kinky busy season!